Invincible Summer
by Tess DiCorsi
Summary: "In the depth of winter I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer." Post "Descent" with Deeks/Kensi (other OSP staffers appear but mostly Deeks and Kensi). A smidge of adult language. Multiple chapter story. Finished on September 24, 2013.
1. Invincible Summer

**Disclaimer**: Not mine. Just playing with them and promise not to break anything (more than what's broken already).

**Story notes**: Post "Descent" with Deeks/Kensi (other OPS staffers appear but mostly Deeks and Kensi). A smidge of adult language. Multiple chapter story.

* * *

**1.** "In the depth of winter I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer." - Albert Camus, "The Stranger"

May 17, 2013

He was vaguely aware he was in a bed and not strapped to a chair which he thought was good since he was exhausted and felt like shit. Of course, he felt like shit because of what happened in the chair. He was hoping the bed would be better. Hard to be worse.

May 19, 2013

He thought it was Kensi sleeping with her head near his leg. He hoped she found him and they were safe. If Sidorov had them, he hoped they were both dead because he couldn't live with himself if she was captured trying to rescue him.

May 21, 2013

There was arguing in the background. His thoughts immediately went to his parents but the voices were too low so it couldn't be them. Gordon and Ellie screamed their drunken hatred for each other before good old Gordo would end the fight with his fists. No, these were hushed, angry voices. And he couldn't remember his father using the word "cannon fodder" ever. Motherfucker, yes. Cannon fodder, probably not.

May 22, 2013

"Wake up, mi hijo. You're scaring everyone." He wanted to get up, he really did. He was just so tired and everything hurt. "Martin, enough of this," said a different voice a little later. "Nobody likes a drama king."

May 23, 2013

Everything still hurt. He looked around the room and saw some deflating mylar balloons, a sad little floral arrangement that was probably half its original size and two empty vases. Oh yeah, there was Nate reading Maus. He remembered reading Maus in college. He wanted to tell Nate that but his mouth didn't work right. Trying again, he started to choke on his own saliva. Nate jumped up and rushed to his side. "Hold on Marty, I'll get help," Nate's tone was soothing as he grabbed something on the bed. Suddenly, the room was full of people and he was finally awake.

July 5, 2013

Their greetings were oddly similar - "Hey man, great to see you." "Hey, you've been missed." "Hey, glad to see you're out and about." - as he walked through the gym. They seemed almost sincere but nobody mentioned how genuinely awful he looked.

A walk through the main hallway brought him to the bullpen where Callen was busy with his laptop. Deeks decided to borrow the "Hey man, great to see you" line for Callen.

"Deeks, what are you doing here?" Callen stood and walked over. Shaking Deeks's hand, Callen actually sounded sincere when he offered his "It's good to see you."

"Had some medical stuff to drop off for LAPD and Hetty. I planned to stop by earlier but my visit to headquarters was a lot longer than I thought it would be." A lot.

"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?" Callen asked, leaning on Sam's desk.

"More of an 'it is what it is' thing," Deeks shrugged his shoulders and tried not to flinch. "I'm done with all the dental work. I've been speaking to the department appointed therapist twice a week. Even Skype'd with Nate this week. Still having other issues with the rib cage and shoulder and need to put back some weight before I can be physically cleared to return to work."

"You've been laying low."

"Really haven't been up to much so there's not much to say. And if there was something to say, a month's worth of dental surgery sort of made it impossible."

"How much weight have you lost?"

"About twenty-five pounds. It's not the weight as much as the strength and stamina I'm missing. Swimming's hard, working out is worse," Deeks sort of half-smiled. "I drew the line with my doctor when he wanted to prescribe Ensure with every meal."

"I've seen you with a plate of fish tacos, you'll catch up before you know it. Sam mentioned he tried to call before he, Michelle and the family were moved to a safe house."

"I didn't know they were in a safe house. Wow. No, I had about three weeks where I was just going to the dentist all day then going to bed. Didn't even say much to Monty."

"I think Sam tried to stop by your place."

"Staying at a friend's. He is on a long undercover assignment and his place is real close to the dentist." Actually it was in the same high rise as the dentist's office making blowing off an appointment impossible.

"Deeks!" Nell called from the top of the stairs. "You're back!" She raced downstairs with Eric in tow. "I'd hug you but I don't want to hurt you."

Deeks leaned down and gave Nell a gentle hug. He shared a bro hug with Eric, though he winced when Eric gave him a hearty pat on the back. "Miss seeing you here and at the beach," Eric told him.

"Miss being seen at the beach. Miss the beach."

"Deeks," Kensi half-said, half-gasped as she entered the bullpen. Deeks noticed her hair was a little damp. "When did you get here?"

"Just got here. Have to drop off some medical forms with Hetty and figured I'd say hello," he told her. "Hello."

"Hi," she returned his greeting.

"Mr. Deeks, so good to see you," Hetty greeted him warmly as she walked in from the courtyard. "I didn't know you planned a visit. After you're done with the others, please stop by my office." She patted him gently on the arm as she walked away. Before walking to her office, Hetty turned back to the group. "Mr. Beale, Miss Jones, have all the intelligence files been transmitted to the Navy Yard?"

"Almost, we should probably get back to that," Eric answered, pulling Nell to the stairs. "Great seeing you, man," Eric waved to Deeks.

"Mr. Callen, has the final after-action report about your trip to New York concerning the Sidorov investigation been filed?" Hetty asked.

"No, I'll get right on that." Callen turned back to Deeks. "It is good to see you."

"Thanks, man."

"And I probably should finish my expense report," Kensi moved to her desk and opened her laptop. "We can catch up when you're done with Hetty," Kensi told Deeks.

"I guess we can," Deeks said. Seeing how efficiently Hetty cleared the room, he made his way over to her office. "Would now be a good time to talk?" Deeks asked, standing by her desk.

Pointing to the guest chair, Hetty said, "Now would be a perfect time, especially since I have a seven o'clock flight."

Sitting down and carefully easing his messenger bag strap over his head, Deeks asked "Is my security clearance high enough to ask where you're going?"

"A friend has a lovely villa in Tuscany. A few weeks of relaxing in the sun with good food and good company restores the soul. I've encouraged everyone on staff to not only take some time off but to go somewhere, enjoy the world." She pointed to his messenger bag. "Do you have paperwork for me?"

Deeks pulled out a thick folder and passed it to her. "All the dental work is done but I've been warned not to be hit in the mouth for at least six weeks. The department shrink thinks I'm dealing as well as anyone can with what happened. I don't know what Nate told you but I'm guessing since nobody threw a net over me when I walked in, I'm probably not scaring him either. The costochondral separation is slowly healing but it is healing. Any sort of pressure on my chest or ribs just hurts right now. Good news is my shoulder is getting better. I'm not where I need to be physically to return to work but with this place shutting down for a month and my mouth, my ribs and ..."

"Should we expect you around Labor Day?"

"Well, that's the other reason I'm here. Have you spoken to Roger Bates?"

"When you were hospitalized. He was very unhappy with your injuries and how they came about as we all were."

"He's still unhappy."

"How unhappy, Mr. Deeks?"

"I spent the last two-hours getting an earful from Bates, Deputy Chief Warner, even my union rep and my old handler were at the meeting. Well, they didn't call it a meeting."

"What did they call it?"

"Bates called it an intervention. He thinks I'm being badly misused by your agency and I guess I'm not bright enough to know I'm in trouble."

"He thinks that, does he?"

"I've had two significant injuries in the last three years. Both caused me to miss a serious amount of work, both could have killed me."

"But didn't."

Deeks looked down and then at her, chuckling a little before answering. "Yeah, I tried that and since he wants to speak with you before he considers allowing me to return here, I would advise you not to go there."

"Why not?"

"According to Bates, a positive outcome does not reflect a successful plan." After his fifth straight five-hour day in the dentist's chair two weeks ago, he wasn't so sure the words positive and outcome were true for this situation anyway. "He thinks I was shot so someone could get to Kensi. I got a taste of Russian dentistry and a pretty good beating protecting Sam and Michelle. If I come back, what purpose do I serve other than being good at taking a beating?"

"He wonders what LAPD is getting out of this besides medical bills."

"He wonders why I'm looking to return to a position where I'm getting badly hurt over and over again."

"Both Mr. Hanna and his wife suffered injuries during the case. Miss Blye..."

"All things I tried to explain to him. I even tried to explain that the shooting had as much to do with my carelessness as anything else but wow, that didn't sit well either. Warner said I sounded like an abused wife." It was the only time Deeks was angry during the conversation. He sounded like many things in his life, never an abused wife.

Hetty nodded her head. "Where do you stand on all of this, Mr. Deeks? I made you an offer a few years ago, an offer I would gladly make again. You explained that you feel you are a police officer so I am happy to have the liaison position available to me."

"Bates is thinking about ending the program," Deeks told her. Not completely a lie. "He thinks you're using me as "cannon fodder" to protect "your agents" - his words."

"At the hospital, I tried to assure him that you're as much one of my agents as Mr. Callen, Mr. Hanna or Miss Blye."

"Another sore spot, I'm guessing, since he considers me one of his detectives and not one of your agents. Bates wants to know why I was working with Sam not Kensi and if you answer the reason is classified or a matter of national security, not only is he ending the program, he's going to recommend the liaison positions with the DEA, FBI, Homeland and ICE be ended as well using NCIS as proof that information flows one way with the Feds."

Hetty nodded. "I will find a way to answer any questions he may have."

"Other answers he's going to want are why there wasn't back-up available immediately? Why an agency with surveillance equipment that is the envy of every law enforcement agency in the world sent two task force members out with tracking devices, communication gear and cell phones that couldn't survive five minutes in a swimming pool? He brought up Stan King and the fact that NCIS was able to track Kensi but didn't find Sam and me for over a day."

"The Stan King situation was different," Hetty argued.

"Bates agrees. Kensi wound up with a bruised jaw and I had a sore hand. I've had close to one-hundred grand in dental bills alone and can't work for probably three more months."

"The stakes were incredibly high with Sidorov."

"And he knows from friends in military intelligence that Kensi and Callen found two of the nukes in a cargo warehouse by Kennedy Airport and the third nobody knew about in a shipping terminal four blocks from the boat shed. Since I nearly got killed, he would have liked a debrief on that. He was also wondering why the nukes couldn't be found until what happened, happened. How, again, a world class intelligence agency couldn't find a nuclear weapon stored a five minute walk from one of their facilities?"

"I'd be happy to speak to him today, if you feel that's needed."

"He needs to cool down. I need to be back, healthy and able to defend myself and my actions."

"There's nothing for you to defend, Detective. Everything you did was what your assignment and Agent Hanna required. You should not spend one minute of your recovery time thinking that you are at fault. The SecNav, your Chief of Police and the directors of the CIA, NCIS and Homeland Security have been advised of your bravery. Your name has been put in for a number of commendations. Commendations I expect you will receive."

Deeks shrugged, getting a professional pat on the back would be better if he didn't feel like whimpering every time he got an actual pat on the back. "Well, there's another reason I'm here. I'm sort of falling off the grid for a few weeks."

"Falling off the grid? You haven't been on the grid since you were released from the hospital. I know Mr. Hanna and Miss Blye have both tried to contact you. Lt. Bates never returned Mr. Hanna's calls but he did tell Miss Blye you were in a safe house and would pass along only urgent messages."

Deeks frowned, he didn't know about that. "I wasn't at a safe house. A friend is on a long undercover assignment. I've been using the guest room in his apartment, his truck when I was cleared to drive last week. Bates should have told you I was just laying low."

"Mr. Deeks," Hetty sounded concerned. "I feel you're pulling away from us."

"No Hetty. Just trying to get better and deal with what's happened."

"There are people here who were desperate to help you deal with what happened. They couldn't find you."

"Maybe I needed to figure out how to help myself first," Deeks said, shrugging his shoulders and wincing this time.

Hetty frowned. "Mr. Hanna said the two of you had some unresolved issues before he left."

"Nothing unresolved. Sam made himself clear and based on what happened to us, he may have had a point."

"Detective, please do not do anything in haste. Rest. Recover. When you decide what you want professionally and personally, come see me and we will talk it through. Saving Mr. Hanna and his family came at a terrible cost to you."

"I did my job Hetty. It was what I've always done. I told Sam while he was complaining about working with me and I'll tell you now, I have everyone's back here. Always have. I thought you all knew that. Thought wrong I guess," Deeks sighed, suddenly exhausted. "You have all the updated medical records. I'm just going to say goodbye to everyone and let them get their work done before everything here shuts down for the month. Enjoy Tuscany," he told her as he stood.

"Mr. Deeks..."

"Hetty, I'm not making any decisions in the next few weeks." Not that he'd be the one making decisions.

"Is that because you've already made your decision?"

"No. Just trying to get healthy." Well, Deeks thought, at least that second part was completely true.

"How can we get in touch with you if there is an emergency?"

"Lt. Bates issued me a new LAPD phone today. I'm not even sure what the new number is. If you need me, Bates can find me. And you can tell him I told you if there is an emergency or an important reason, I want to be found." Deeks figured another conversation with Bates today defending NCIS would lead his LAPD boss to scheduling a cult deprogramming session.

"Enjoy your time off the grid, Detective. As when you left to work with Detective Traynor, we are anxious for you to return to us."

"Who else would have me?" Deeks smiled as he walked away knowing damn well he may no longer be available to be had.

Kensi jumped up when he walked back into the bullpen area. "How are you?"

"Skinny and sore. Working on both. I heard from Nate you two were in Brooklyn. How was it?"

"Still a lot of Hurricane Sandy damage in Brighton Beach and other areas," Kensi told him. "We missed Sidorov by a day. We found Andros, though. He's in federal custody."

"Andros?"

"The one with the drill," Callen said. "He was Sidorov's new right hand man."

Deeks felt his stomach drop. "Glad he's in custody, though we were never formally introduced," Deeks hoped his joke covered his revulsion. He sighed a little to himself. He'd like to talk to Kensi but that wasn't happening with Callen around bringing up business. Actually, he wasn't interested in having any conversation with Kensi here in the office but couldn't figure how to get her out of the building. "I'm off, I guess. Any plans for your downtime?"

"Odds and ends," Callen said cryptically.

"Kens?"

"Climbing Mt. Rainier through the Emmons Glacier."

"Of course you are." Deeks smiled broadly, probably for the first time in six weeks. It felt weird.

"Do you have any plans, Deeks?" Callen asked.

"Following Hetty's suggestion of rest and recovery."

"Will you'll be around? I've stopped by your place a few times..." Kensi started.

"No, staying at a friend's. If you need me, LAPD can find me. Well, what you'd need from me halfway up a mountain I'm not exactly sure. Just pack plenty of KitKats and you'll be fine."

"Are you sure LAPD can find you?" Kensi sounded bothered.

"Yeah. Call when you get back. Maybe I can gum my way through a dinner at Foga De Choa. You'll probably be hungry." He leaned over her desk and gave her a quick hug. Pulling away, he leaned over to Callen and shook his hand. "See you in a few."

"Get better, Deeks. Place just isn't the same without you."

"You found the nukes and caught everyone but Sidorov, everything's fine here without me."

"Janvier escaped custody last week," Kensi blurted out.

And Deeks now knew what Callen's "odds and ends" were. "He'll show up. He always does." With that, Deeks turned around and waved. "Have a good break. You guys earned it," he told them as he left.

* * *

Monty wasn't all that excited to see him. His first few days out of the hospital, Monty stayed in bed with him, almost knowing how awful he felt. When the loud delivery guy from the pharmacy came by with his meds, Monty growled, looking to protect Deeks. The world may not have gotten Monty, the world barely understood him, but he and Monty were simpatico. The dog's disinterest tonight was disturbing.

Deeks put the mail down on the coffee table along with the box containing his new LAPD issued cellphone that Bates had messengered over. Setting that up would be his project for the night. "Sorry today took so long, Monty. LAPD needed to talk to me and you know how they can be."

Monty was largely unmoved.

"Saw Kensi today. Wanted to take her to lunch, as much as I can have lunch with anyone, but wound up getting to her office just before four. She's like you. Cranky without food so she probably had lunch, a mid-afternoon snack and a couple of Hershey Drops from her top drawer stash by the time I saw her."

Monty looked at him, yawned and made his way to his dog bed.

"Really?" he asked as Monty settled in.

Deeks looked the 34th floor window. The loaner apartment was ridiculous, the view ridiculous. Of all the many failings his family had, the lack of large trust fund was moving up the list. While the dentist being in the building was Bates's excuse for moving him into Matthew's apartment and guest bedroom, the building's serious security, private gym and pool and access to having just about everything imaginable delivered was the real reason he was here. Hell, the building had its own dog walker and she seemed to love Monty. Still, the only upside to feeling lousy over the last few weeks was picking up the phone and having the building concierge arrange some soft food to be delivered.

But he missed the beach, his apartment, his life. And Kensi. For over two years, they were attached at the hip. He didn't think he missed her while he was concentrating on his recovery but seeing her in the office today...

"You miss Kensi?" Deeks asked Monty.

The dog just looked at him.

"Yeah, I do too. You up for a ride?" Deeks figured Monty could be his door pass to Kensi's place. Now he had to hope that she was home.

* * *

"Coming," he heard Kensi call from the other side of the door. When she moved the little curtain aside, she looked startled to see him. He remembered how poorly he looked at that moment. "Deeks," she said as she opened her front door, "what are you doing here?"

"Wanted to talk to you before you started climbing that mountain," he told her just before Monty barked.

"You brought Monty," Kensi dropped to her knees and rubbed the dog's ears. "It's good to see you, boy."

"We brought you a gift." Deeks held out a shopping bag.

"Come in," Kensi stood and opened the door wide, letting the two of them in and taking the bag as Deeks walked by.

Deeks made his way to the living room chair, Monty sitting right next to his left leg by Kensi's couch.

Kensi walked over to the couch and opened the bag. She pulled out a case of KitKat bars. "Forty-eight bars. Deeks, it is a five day climb."

"Well, if you ration them properly, they should last. You can break them into individual sticks. You don't have to cram it all down in one bite," Deeks teased. "Only five days to climb Mt. Rainier for you, what about us mere mortals?"

"Five days. And I'm not even sure I'm going. I'm on a waiting list."

"Because all the cool kids are climbing Mt. Rainier this summer?"

"I was supposed to go away with my Mom but that fell through. Now I'm seventeenth on a list for nine climbers."

"When were you going away with your Mom? I don't remember you mentioning it before," Deeks just let that dangle.

"Had dinner with my Mom the night before Callen and I left for Iran," she explained. "She was planning a beach vacation in Corsica and invited me to go with her. She was leaving the third of July. I figured I could get the extra week from Hetty since I have so much time coming. Just didn't work out."

"There's some great surfing in Corsica," Deeks told her.

"Yeah, Mom's not much of a surfer. The Demeure Loredana is more her style."

"Sounds fancy. Is it your style?"

Kensi looked at him, a bit surprised by the question. "My Mom would be there. That would have been enough."

"Sorry you missed it. Missed time with your Mom," Deeks felt the need to apologize though he knew he wasn't at fault. They were quiet for a minute before simultaneously saying the other's name. Both smiled a little. "You go first," he said.

"It's just, I'm sorry I wasn't there when you woke up. I stayed at the hospital for a long time but Hetty insisted I go to Brooklyn with Callen..."

"You needed to catch a terrorist with nukes, Kens. Sitting around with an unconscious me isn't all that thrilling or good for national security."

"It just felt wrong."

"You and Callen found the nukes. What's one of Hetty's rules, never apologize for being a success."

"I'm not. I'm just sorry I wasn't there."

"I was a mess. Lots of drool, lots of liquid food. It is a sad day when the hospital won't even bring you Jell-O because you can't handle it," he joked.

Kensi looked aghast. "None of that's funny."

"No, I guess it's not," he murmured.

"What did you and Hetty talk about?"

"Medical records, LAPD, my health and future."

"And?"

"And what?"

"What's going on with your health and future?"

"Getting healthy so I can have a future," Deeks told her. "I'm hardly law enforcement material right now."

"How's your mouth?" Kensi seemed almost troubled asking him.

"All the work is done. It's just weird. Everything was in the same place for thirty-something years, now everything is new. Implants feel weird and I'm just sort of getting use to closing my mouth properly."

"Good thing you don't shut your mouth much," was Kensi's attempt at snark.

"Yeah, good thing," he chuckled.

"What have you been doing?"

"Dentist, sleep; physical therapy, dentist, sleep; dentist, sleep; physical therapy, dentist, sleep; dentist, sleep; try to swim, sleep; try to work out, sleep. Repeat for the following week." He went to shrug his shoulders but stopped himself. Didn't need to wince for Kensi. "What have you been doing?"

"When we got back from Brooklyn and secured the nukes, we started searching for Sidorov again. Last week, the DoD called. They were moving Janvier on a Marine Transport from Pendleton to Opa-lacka..."

"Opa-lacaka what?"

"Former Marine Air Base turned joint military-civilian airport near Miami."

"OK."

"Somehow, Janvier had a team waiting for him. We're still reviewing how they got on airport property but they did. The escape team shot the two US Marshals and the four Marines escorting Janvier to Gitmo. Two dead Marines, one Marshal in a coma."

"Oh God," Deeks shook his head.

"Helicopter comes out of nowhere and Janvier is in the wind."

"Sidorov returning the favor for diming out Sam?"

"There's a few who believe that. Callen thinks Janvier has enough money to finance his own escape."

"True." Deeks thought this was the first bit of actual police related talk he's had since mid-May. He missed it. Missed who he was talking to as well.

"Deeks, you with me?" Kensi asked. "You OK?"

"Yes. Outside of the unending "Law and Order" reruns on cable, I haven't thought much about police work lately," he told her the truth. "Seems odd, you know. Good, but odd."

She nodded. "How are you really? Deeks, you can tell me."

He could, he thought. But he wouldn't. "Some days are better than others. Non-dentist days are okay. I'm getting there."

"I would have helped," Kensi nearly whispered.

"You had to get the nukes," Deeks quickly dismissed her offer.

"I've been back for two weeks. I kept hoping to hear..."

"I didn't know Bates was keeping everyone away and I'm a little ticked about that. I'm staying at a friend's, really. He comes from money so the building where he lives has everything. I really wasn't avoiding everyone."

Kensi nodded. He wasn't sure if she believed him but he wasn't sure he believed it himself.

They were quiet for a few minutes. Not quite uncomfortable but not the way things were over the last few years. "I probably should go," Deeks told her, standing slowly.

He saw a quick frown before she put on her Agent Kensi Blye face. "Do you want to do something tomorrow? See a movie, go to the beach, just hang?"

"I'm ah," Deeks started but stopped. What the hell? "I'm going away for a few weeks. A friend, a law school friend, has, well, long story but his wife's family has a place up in southern Oregon and they've taken pity on me. I'm staying in their guest house."

"Oh, that's great," Kensi feigned enthusiasm. For someone who lied for a living, Kensi was lousy at it when it came to dealing with him. Then again, she usually called him on his bullshit when nobody else knew what he was pedaling.

"Wanna come with?" For the first time since Sidorov stuck the that evil device in his mouth he was glad his jaw was a mess - he managed to actually sound cool, not blurting it out like a fifteen-year old boy.

"Ah, I, er..," Kensi started to hedge.

Trying not to sound disappointed, he quickly assured her, "Just a thought. Listen, I'm leaving tomorrow morning and there's no way you could go. Just forget it, I'll call you when I get back or you can call Bates when you're off Mt. Rainer, whatever," he started walking to the door, Monty following close behind.

"What time are you leaving?" Kensi asked, sounding determined as she walked up beside him.

"Sevenish. It's a long ride. Don't worry, we'll catch up when you're back. Besides, I'm going to be gone a while."

"How long?'

"End of the month, you'll be up and down Mt. Rainer by then. You could probably climb it three times. Forget it."

"I'll be ready when you come by. Anything I need to bring?"

He looked at her, trying to decide if he was more shocked or happy. Then he just decided to be happy. Go with that for a while. "It's on the ocean but it's chilly where we're going."

"Where are we going?"

"The closest city is Port Orford. Southern coast of Oregon. Fishing and boating village called Tututni Beach."

"I'm guessing there's surfing."

"There is. I haven't been out on the water since mid-May. Time to get back out there. Time to start getting healthy." Time to start being me, he thought.

"Sevenish," she smiled at him.

"Kens," he turned serious. "It's a small place. A guest house. One bedroom. One bathroom, smallish living area. Monty's coming. It's probably an hour and a half to the closest airport when you want to leave. There isn't much of a local nightlife. Actually, there isn't any. And if there was, I'm probably not up to much anyway. You OK with all that?"

"Sevenish." Her smile never wavered.

"Okay," he opened the door. "Sevenish." Walking away from Kensi's apartment, Deeks told Monty, "Looks like we're going to have some company. You think we're up to it?"

The dog again kept his thoughts to himself but Deeks took his wagging tail as a good omen.

-30-

* * *

I always yell that I hate author's notes and then write them.

As I was about a chapter into "Sebastian" (a chapter that was swimming around in my head for about a year), this story came to me fully formed. That's not how things usually work for me. Whenever I was having trouble with that story, I'd visit this one. Consider this what happened between the TV cliffhanger and "Sebastian" though you don't need to know what happened in "Sebastian" to read this.

I saw the season five promo/photos when this was about 90% done. They got their injuries for the show, I got mine for this story.

Different schedule this time out because I want this posted by the season premiere. A chapter will be posted every few days.

Thank you for reading the story and for tolerating this rambling postscript.


	2. Back to the Sea

**2**. "We are tied to the ocean. And we go back to the sea, whether it is to sail or to watch, we are going back to whence we came." - John F. Kennedy

* * *

The entire planned 12-plus hour drive was completely worth it before it even began the minute Deeks pulled up to Kensi's in Matthew's Ford F-150. A big white truck, a surf board and a paddle board strapped into the truck bed with his suitcases, a cooler with food and some of Monty's gear under the exterior hard cover, a kayak and paddle strapped to the cab roof were not what the usually unflappable Agent Blye was expecting.

He didn't tell her he paid two members of the building's maintenance crew $50.00 each to help him load the truck or a delivery company to pick up his boards and boat from his garage and bring them to this temporary home. That ran $150.00. All money well spent when he saw Kensi's stunned look.

He pulled back the cover of the truck bed and watched her toss what was obviously her Mt. Rainer climbing backpack in, taking what he figured were her weapons in her go-bag to the truck's cab. He figured if she got the call to go climbing or if he finally got on her last nerve, she'd be ready to go.

"Are you going to spend all your time in the water?" Kensi asked as he hopped into the truck's cab.

"If the weather holds," he told her, "that's the plan." And they were off.

The ride up went well. Deeks got Kensi to talk in generalities about her trip with Callen to Brooklyn to find Sidorov. He had no desire to hear about the capture of Andros or the near miss of Sidorov. Instead, Kensi in the City was of interest to him. She'd never been to Brooklyn before - Manhattan several times, even the Bronx once when visiting a college friend who lived near Columbia University took her to a Yankees game - but Brooklyn was all new.

She was stunned by the size of the Russian community in Brooklyn, the restaurants, the specialty shops, the entire social experience. She laughed about another visit to a Russian Bathouse where the team had to do business. She was sent with two of the businessmen's wives for a mudbath and massage - both awesome - while Callen and the DHS buddy spent two hours in a men's only schvitz and swim negotiating with the East Coast Arkady Kolcheck and his son.

While Kensi was laughing and telling her stories, Deeks felt again how much he missed this. Missed her. They hadn't talked in weeks and in that time, he felt so alone. And he was, though by his own choice. He knew he wasn't much company for those days. He was angry and in pain. Nobody needed to see him hurting and miserable. So Kensi was gone but she was working. He thought he'd have stayed with her if she was the one recovering but then realized if she was the one recovering, he'd have been hunting the world to find whoever hurt her. He was just vain enough to think she was probably do the same.

Outside of Sonoma, they found a place to grab some lunch, a 24-hour diner where he could have some scrambled eggs and a smoothie, Kensi could polish off a French Dip sandwich, a side of fries and a black and white shake. Back on the road, they sat in fairly comfortable silence, listening to NPR podcasts for Monty and enjoying the scenery.

Just before 7:30PM, as the sun was starting to set, Deeks turned the truck into a private driveway. He was glad they were nearly there since he was running on fumes. He heard Kensi's soft "Oh my God," when the pulled up to the main building.

"We're not staying here," he told her, hoping she wasn't too disappointed. The Farraige was a three story, sixteen suite bed and breakfast, a favorite of pricey travel guides and well-heeled Pacific Coast vacationers. It looked more like a mansion on an English estate than a West Coast B&B and the owners liked it that way. As he pulled into the driveway by the front door, Deeks told Kensi he'd be right back.

A young woman was sitting in a rocking chair in the living room area, reading her iPad as he walked in. Looking up at him she smiled. "You must be Marty, right? I'm Sharon."

"I am Marty, Sharon. Nice to meet you. Charley said she'd leave the keys for me."

Sharon stood and walked over to a small ante-room that was really a front desk. "She did," Sharon handed him an envelope with a key. She also gave him a brochure. "Have you been with us before?"

"I was one of the small army of groomsmen in Tim and Charley's wedding. I'm familiar with the place."

Sharon chuckled at the description of the bridal party size. "Well, we have a wedding tomorrow at one so there will be no access to the courtyard out back before 7PM."

"With any luck, I'll be on the beach all day."

"Glad you're here, Marty," Sharon said with a genuine smile. "Do you need any help? Charley said you're recovering from a bad accident and may need help. My cousin Frank is the handyman around here."

"No, thanks for the offer. I wound up bringing a friend. I think we can handle things."

"Enjoy your stay. The family's guest house is magnificent."

"I agree, thanks again for your help."

Deeks walked back to the truck and started the short drive to the cabin. He handed Kensi the brochure. "This is where we're not staying."

"This is amazing. How do you know about this place?"

"Law school buddy married into the family that owns the place. A lot like where I've been staying in LA, I'm everyone's favorite charity case."

"Don't talk about yourself that way."

"I'm not talking money, though with both I'm far out of both guys' tax brackets. No, my LAPD bud knows about my time with the Russians, my friend who married into all this knows I was injured in the line of duty but not the specifics."

"You spoke with them?" Kensi sounded hurt.

"Bates spoke with everyone in my undercover unit, from what I've heard. He's very angry. Matthew's on a long undercover so he was happy to lend me his place in Westwood and have an excuse to get his truck out of storage. As for all this, Timmy's wife is a bit of a force of nature. She knows I got hurt because I missed a friends dinner she put together the week before Memorial Day. You don't miss dinners Charley puts together. Especially ones at 21 Oceanfront's Patio Cellar that you RSVP'd you were attending. Anyway, Timmy called around, found Bates and Charley called him," Deeks told her as he pulled into the driveway of the small guest home. "You really don't say no to Charley. Even when you're Roger Bates. She's a benevolent queen but a queen nonetheless."

Deeks got out of the truck and looked at the kayak on the roof. That could be unloaded tomorrow. He hoped somewhere someone would deliver some food and he could get to sleep. Hell of a way to show Kensi a good time on their first night away but he was done. Letting Monty out of the back of the cab, he walked to do the front door with Kensi and Monty just as step behind.

"This is cute," Kensi said, looking at the small, cedar front of the guest house.

He handed her the envelope with the key. "Open the door, Kens. See if you stick with cute."

Kensi opened the door and everything aligned perfectly: the sunset on the Pacific, the floor to ceiling windows that made up the entire back of the house. It wasn't cute. It was magnificent. Kensi's small gasp confirmed that. "This is..."

"Where we're staying until you have to go climb a mountain or get sick of me."

"Why would anyone..."

"Why would anyone lend this to someone like..."

"Why would anyone not spend their summer here? Why wouldn't anyone spend their entire lives here?"

"The family is sort of scattered this summer. Timmy and Charley are in the Seychelles for a long business trip, her folks are in Tanzania on a safari and then spending August on Block Island, her oldest brother lives in town so he has his own place, her other brother is serving as the XO on the Carl Vinson."

She walked through the living room to the glass door leading to the deck. "Wow."

"There's a hot tub, barbeque pit and an outdoor fire place off the deck."

"This is..."

"I know. The best description I ever heard of this place was Cameron Frye's house with an ocean view."

"Who?"

"You watch endless John Hughes movie marathons and you don't know Cameron Frye. Ferris would be so unhappy," Deeks said, sighing in fake disappointment. He saw Monty looking around a realized he probably should have brought in the bags and Monty's bed. "Check the place out, I'll be right back." He was able to put her backpack on and carry his clothing duffle, the cooler and Monty's bed without too much effort.

When Kensi saw him come back into the house, she grabbed the cooler and the dog bed, leaving them in the hall. "I would have helped."

"We're good. I'm sorta beat from the drive." Deeks walked straight to the bedroom and dropped her backpack and his duffle by the door.

"I would have gladly driven ..."

Deeks put up his hand. "I would have fallen asleep in the truck and probably would have spent the night there if you drove. Uhm, about that."

"Sleeping in the truck?"

"Just sleeping. I'd offer to be chivalrous and sack out on the couch but..."

"We've shared a bed before; I'm good if you're good."

He wasn't good. He hadn't been good in weeks but for her he'd try. "I'm fine. I'll be the perfect gentleman."

"Where's the fun in that?" he thought he heard her mumble before she walked away. "Oh cool," he definitely heard her say just after he finished unpacking what he needed for the night.

As Deeks walked to the kitchen from the bedroom, he saw Kensi set up Monty's dog bed near the living room sliding door that led to the massive deck. Monty made himself comfortable. Deeks moved into the kitchen and saw his cooler along with a tray of sandwiches and a gift basket on the countertop. There were also containers of soup and salads. "Awesome."

Kensi held up a note. "Welcome Marty!"

"Read it." He looked at the tomato soup with some interest.

"You sure?"

"Charley's a one man woman, believe me."

Kensi opened the note and started to read. "Marty, Tim and I are so happy you took us up on our offer. We were so worried about you, still are, but are thrilled you're well enough to stay at the guest house. Mom and Dad want you to stay as long as you need. Of all of Tim's friends, they ask about you the most and were unhappy to hear you were injured. They're so pleased you're recovering in their guest house. Sharon at the B&B is ready to help you with anything. Marty, ask for help. Tim cried when he told me what you looked like in the hospital," Kensi's voice dropped to a whisper. "He's worried sick. I am too. Tim may tear up at flyovers during Seahawks games but he was wrecked after visiting you. Good friends are hard to find, someone like you is irreplaceable. Charley and Tim"

"Obviously, Charley and Tim have embraced my awesomeness," Deeks tried to lighten the moment.

"Don't joke about that. These people obviously care about you," Kensi chided.

Deeks picked through the gift basket, "And must have been psychic about you." Deeks held up a bar of Toblerone Fruit and Nut Chocolate. "Let's eat."

Deeks heated up the tomato soup for himself while Kensi made herself a grilled cheese sandwich - and was darn proud of it. Charley had the refrigerator filled with soda, beer, bottled ice tea and a quart of milk. There were eggs, bacon, some fresh fruit and vegetables in the crisper. Deeks transferred his food from the cooler and set up a water bowl and dinner for Monty.

Deeks struggled to keep his eyes opened during dinner but managed to stay awake. After loading the dishwasher, he apologized to Kensi and told her he was done for the day. She said she'd look around the house, check her email and make her way to bed shortly. He was sound asleep before she ever made it to the bedroom.

It was light up when he woke. Kensi was snort snoring in his ear as she star-fished all over the bed. He was curled up in a ball facing her, a bit stiff and sore from the long ride and looking at the clock, the twelve-hour plus night's sleep. The plan was to get up early and start getting healthy. Day one of the plan was off to a late start.

"Wake up sleepy-head," he whispered in her ear.

There was a long groan by Kensi and a quick duck by Deeks when her hand flung near his face. He made mental note to tell her about not getting hit in the mouth.

"Come on Kens, we're burning daylight here," he tried and that got a reaction.

She was a bit dazed when she looked at him but it all came back to her in a hurry. "What time is it?" she asked as she eased herself back to her side of the bed.

Deeks rolled onto his back and looked up at her. Lying on her side with her head propped up on her bent arm - he could get use to this. "A little after nine which is about three hours later than I wanted to get up."

"Long drive up," she offered as an excuse. "So what's the plan for today?"

"The plan was to get up around six, have some breakfast, hit the gym, pick up some food for the week and spend the afternoon in the ocean."

Kensi smiled. "So we'll adapt. Get up around nine, have some breakfast, hit the gym, pick up some food for the week, maybe find a place to have some lunch and spend the afternoon in the ocean."

He lifted an eyebrow. "I noticed adapting the plan for the day included a second Kensi feeding."

She leaned over, placing her hands on his tee-shirt clad chest and whispered in his ear, "A well-fed Kensi is a happy Kensi." She pulled back a little and smiled at him.

"Duly noted," he smiled back.

"I'll shower first while you figure out what to make me for breakfast," she said pushing herself off of him.

He didn't mean to scream, he really didn't. She couldn't know how badly inflamed the cartilage around his ribcage still was. Kensi nearly jumped to the foot of the bed while Monty came racing into the bedroom, barking.

"Oh, God, Deeks. I'm so sorry," Kensi was mortified.

Monty jumped on the bed where Kensi slept and looked for whoever hurt him.

Deeks just wanted everyone out of the room. Putting his left arm up, he rubbed Monty's ears hoping to calm the dog down. Deeks had his eyes closed and he was trying to pull himself together. Kensi chanting "I'm so sorry. Oh God, I'm so sorry" wasn't helping.

Once Monty was calm and Deeks didn't think sitting up would kill him, he opened his eyes and pulled himself up on his elbows. "Kensi, it's fine."

"Deeks, I'm so..."

"Kensi, can you take a shower? I'll take one when you're done. Monty's upset and I just need a minute."

He felt Kensi jump off the bed like it was on fire. Deeks leaned back and closed his eyes, listening to her move around a little. When the room was quiet and he could hear the shower going, he slowly opened his eyes. Monty was making himself comfortable on "Kensi's side" of the bed - someplace the dog may be for the next month if he didn't handle this right. The problem was he wasn't sure he was up to handling it right.

When he heard the shower turn off, he eased himself out of the bed and started looking for something to wear. He saw Kensi standing on the deck as he moved to the bathroom. After his shower, he walked out to talk to her.

"Deeks, I am so sorry," she told him.

He put his hand up. "I'm just going to say this once and we'll figure something out after that."

"Deeks, I..."

"Kensi, just listen, just once. Okay?" When she nodded, he started, "Since I finished with all the dental surgery, on a good day, I'm at seventy-five percent. There haven't been a lot of good days. On a really good day, I'm eighty percent. There's been one of those - yesterday. I'm not in a great place physically. Everything hurts. Everything. And everything hurts most of the time. I'm here to work on that. I think you being around is going to be a good thing for me but I'm not me. Or the old me. But I want to be. Right now, I can't get hit in the mouth. When I'm tired, I go to right to sleep. You can't use me like a table when you get up. So, if you can deal with partly-me, I'll make us some breakfast and we'll figure out the rest of the day. If you can't, I'll make us some breakfast and we'll figure out how to get you back to L.A. today."

"I don't want to leave," she put her chin out, the fighting Kensi Blye returning. Deeks took that as a good sign.

Bacon, scrambled eggs and toast for Kensi, just scrambled eggs with some diced veggies and a powered shake for Deeks restarted their morning. Keeping things light, Kensi caught Deeks up on what she was pretty sure was the office's newest romance, Eric and Nell. Nell wouldn't fess up to Kensi straight out but she admitted she was taking Eric to visit her folks in Michigan that weekend.

Deeks thought that he needed to go surfing with Eric once he was back on his feet. Nell could keep a secret - she was an intelligence analysts after all - but Eric couldn't hold up under a tough interrogation. He thought interrogation was probably a bad choice of terms for asking a friend about his love life and figured he wasn't capable of a tough anything right now. Well, getting to the gym was the first step in that direction.

Deeks offered and Kensi agreed to a visit to the local gym. He arranged for a month long membership for himself and Kensi thought she'd do the same if she liked the place. Deeks was stunned when he left the house and found the kayak off the roof of the truck. A note left on the windshield from Frank the handyman told Deeks not to worry, the kayak, his surfboard and paddleboard were now in the family's changing locker near the beach. The locker's door code was 9573 in July. Deeks again wondered why his useless father couldn't at least have money.

Tate's Gym and Fitness Center was in the middle of the Tututni Beach shopping area. The Tututni Beach shopping area being the gym, a smallish Target, Horton's meat and produce and Mort's Diner - complete with a life-sized mechanized waving Mort.

Inside the gym, a teenage girl with a name plate that read Emily was folding towels and working the reception desk. "Welcome to Tate's, I'm Emily. Are you Marty?"

"I am Marty, I'm assuming Charley called," Deeks said with a smile.

"Called, e-mailed, text'd," Emily smiled back. "Can you wait here for a sec?"

As Emily dashed into the manager's office, Kensi turned to Deeks. "I'm going to need a full rundown on this Charley."

"Concerned you're not the only bossy woman in my life."

"I'm not bossy, I'm just right all the time."

"You and Charley."

"Marty, I'm Frank Tate. We met at the wedding. I was in my sheriff's uniform," Tate introduced himself, extending his hand to Deeks. He had a firm, two-handed handshake.

"Nice to see you again. This is my friend Kensi Blye," Deeks offered an introduction. After another two-handed handshake, this time for Kensi, Deeks asked, "Are you still the sheriff?"

"Still am. The gym is a side business to put my girls through a good college. Emily's up next."

"Emily was one of the flower girls, wasn't she?"

"Yes she was. Charley babysat for Em's older sisters Jenny and Sharon - they were the junior bridesmaids. Charley called a day or two after I got your check for the monthly membership. She told me you were injured in the line of duty. Why didn't you mention that? I'd have offered all our services gratis as a professional courtesy. Either way, Charley said she's paying for your membership." Tate pulled a check out of his shirt pocket.

"I can't accept it. Charley's been so generous..."

"Do you want to tell Charley you didn't take her up on her offer? I don't."

Deeks chuckled. "Yeah, you're probably right. How about this, Kensi is staying with me. Can we apply my check for a monthly membership for her?"

"Sounds like a fair deal. Let me give you the five cents tour."

"I'm really going to need a full background on you, Charley, the wedding and why the sheriff knows you," Kensi whispered to Deeks as they walked to the weight room.

The gym had a decent sized weight room, six treadmills, six exercise bikes, two stairmasters, two rowing machines and an Olympic-sized pool in a glass enclosure next to the gym. There were daily aerobic classes, several spin classes and four weekly yoga classes. The men's and women's dressing/locker rooms both had small saunas. Kensi loved that. She admitted the Russian Bathhouse in Brooklyn had two amazing steam rooms.

It was a small gym in a small town - mobbed on Saturday mornings, quiet for the rest of the week. Currently there were two people in the main gym besides the staff, an older man reading his Kindle on an exercise bike and a teenage girl running on a treadmill with Robin Thicke's "Blurred Lines" leaking from her headphones. Kensi saw there was a cardio-aerobics class starting in ten minutes and Deeks wanted to test his shoulder and stamina in the pool so they went their separate way.

Deeks kept his shirt on until he was poolside. There was an older woman swimming laps and working hard not to get her hair wet. Deeks remembered his days working at the Y and the number of retirement age women who could swim without ever putting their head in the water. When the anti-Dana Torres was on the other side of the pool, he tossed off his shirt and quickly made his way into the water. Nobody needed to see his bruises.

The swimming was hard. He decided not to pace himself against his pool mate, only because it would depress him. The breaststroke would have been the best style for his injuries but his lack of stamina made it impossible. He struggled with the front crawl and nearly cried after four laps of the backstroke. The butterfly was out of the question.

Forty-five minutes later, he was finished. He was alone in the pool so he didn't have to sprint to get a towel over his now pigeon chest and assortment of bruises. He made his way to the dressing room and dozed for about fifteen minutes in the men's sauna. Two men laughing as they entered the locker room woke him up before he turned a puddle.

After he showered and changed, he saw Kensi walking toward the women's locker room.

"Awesome class," she told him. "I'll be ready in a few minutes." Deeks was more than happy to sit near Emily in the reception area.

With a cleaned up Kensi, they hit the produce market. Deeks brought up enough food to last for a few days. Even with Charley stocking the fridge with basics, they'd need more. Kensi paid for the food - making Deeks feel completely like a kept man between Charley and Kensi. Kensi said it was to make up for the gym membership.

They picked up some takeout from Mort's Diner - a Mediterranean tuna fish wrap for him, a Reuben sandwich for her and made their way back to the guest house's deck. Bringing what was left of his breakfast shake, Deeks started to unwrap his wrap and ate the insides with a fork. Kensi, with some Powerade and her lunch started the Charley interrogation. "So who is this Charley?"

"Colleen Fiona Buchanan-Brennan is Charley. She's the youngest child and only daughter of Aileen and Malachy Buchanan and the wife of my law school bud Timothy Eamon Brennan. A match made in Irish heaven. Colleen's year-older brother Sean, the XO on the Carl Vinson, had a tough time saying Colleen when they were little so what started as Collie became Charley. She liked Charley so she was Charley. It was the beginning of whatever Charley wants, Charley gets way of life."

"When did you meet her?"

"Between second and third year of law school everyone gets a summer legal gig. Some people go to law firms as summer interns and Timmy wound up at Recker, Carter in DC."

"Where'd you wind up?" Kensi interrupted.

"Child advocacy group. Tried to get benefits for handicapped children in the LA public school system."

"Good for you."

"Better for them. Back to our love birds, one of the Recker, Carter clients was Buchanan Ship Building. Since the late 1800's, the Buchanans built ships for the Pacific Northwest. Mostly for the fisheries but with World War II, they started making ships for the Navy. When Timmy was in DC, Buchanan was haggling with the DoD about something. Charley was fresh out of business school and working with her Dad who is the CEO. They met at a settlement conference with the DoD in June, had drinks after a firm-client golf outing around the 4th of July and have been a couple ever since."

"Just like that?"

"Just like that. Timmy is different than the guys Charley met at Gonzaga. Grew up in Belle Harbor in Queens."

"Why is that name familiar?"

"About a month after 9/11 there was a plane crash there. It is a nice, middle class, mostly Irish neighborhood. Timmy's one of eight boys. Two firemen like their dad, four attorneys including one of the firemen, an accountant, a high school teacher like their mom and an actor-slash-waiter. Timmy's a New Yorker - hardcore accent that's hilarious when he's tired or drunk. He's tough, smart. Rode the subway 32 stops over three transfers to high school - made Abe Lincoln's trip to school seem easy. Went to Harvard while working three jobs. Got sick of the cold and wound up out in Pepperdine with four jobs. Timmy's everything all these wealthy, Northwest guys Charley knew weren't. Charley saw that and it was exactly what she wanted. Someone who gives as good as he gets but is good to the bone."

"So how does the sheriff get involved with you."

"They got married here Memorial Day weekend 2008. It was lovely. Small beach wedding right down there." Deeks pointed with his fork to the beach. "Six hundred person reception in the B&B's courtyard."

"That's excessive."

"The bride's father knows half the Navy and everyone who fishes professionally from San Francisco to Bellingham. Timmy's got seven brothers, dozens and dozens of cousins. Most of the town was invited. All of Charley's and Timmy's friends were. Didn't see excessive. Seemed like a big party."

"And the sheriff was needed to what, keep things calm?"

"Not quite. Charley has another brother. Patrick is the oldest and had a drug problem. Four or five rehab stints, family finally cut him off. There was a concern that he'd show up - he wasn't invited."

"Tough love."

"Something like that. Cocktail party is going great. They've got these restroom trailers alongside the front lawn and well, there was a line and I really needed to go. Peeing in the bushes seemed sorta low class. The groomsmen were staying in the B&B. I was one of the groomsmen. There were sixteen of us. I decided to use the bathroom outside my room. Got inside, saw a guy walking out with three laptops, including mine."

"Patrick."

"There's the reason you're a highly trained NCIS agent. I stopped him with a little effort and had one of the catering waiters get the sheriff and Mal Buchanan. Charges were pressed. Patrick did two years in an experimental treatment facility-jail in Eastern Oregon and has been clean and sober ever since. Learned how to cook professionally, has a small taco shack right outside Port Orford. Lives in town in a small house. So far, so good."

"How much did you have to do with Patrick getting into the experimental treatment facility?"

"I told the truth when I testified. But he wasn't armed, he didn't struggle nearly as much as he probably could have. Nobody in the wedding party even knew I was involved in a fight when I returned to the cocktail party."

"No wonder her parents ask about you. The beloved daughter's wedding goes on and the family is grateful you brought the prodigal son home."

"Seemed less mythical at the time since I still needed to pee but yes, that's what happened."

Kensi chuckled. "What does Tim do now?"

"Besides being Mr. Charley? Which, by the way, is a full-time gig. Charley's father wanted to put Timmy at Buchanan Ship Building but he wasn't interested in the job. Charley's mom owns about a dozen B&B's or small private resorts all over the world and he runs the real estate and legal end of things. The Farraige here is the only one in the US. She owns places in wine country in France, a place in Fiji, ski resort in Switzerland. That's why they're in Seychelles this summer. Charley's mom found a resort that was going under. Aileen and Timmy are looking to see if they can turn it around. Charley just finished four months of negotiating with the Navy for a new ships to be built in Port Orford and Portland. She needed a break."

"Probably another reason Charley is the queen around here."

"She and Timmy live in Bellingham but her heart is here."

"Is it Tim or Timmy?"

"To the world it's Tim. To our little study group in law school, it's Marty, Timmy, Johnny and Stewie."

"You weren't Deeks then?"

"No, Deeks is a cop." Or was a cop, he thought. He wasn't sure what he is now.

"You're going to need to give me their address, I want to send them a thank you note."

"Charley would like that." Deeks looked at what was left of his Mediterranean wrap - basically the wrap. He saw Kensi made quick work of her meal as well. "Well, the ocean air has my appetite working for the first time in a while. If you're interested, I'm going into the water."

"I am. But aren't you supposed to wait an hour after a meal before you go swimming?" Kensi teased.

"I've waited since mid-May to go into the ocean. Not waiting a second longer."

-30-

The more you know note: The house is based on The Muse Guest House in Port Orford.


	3. What Happened

**3.** "You don't remember what happened. What you remember becomes what happened." - John Green, "An Abundance of Katherines"

* * *

July 26, 2013

They fell into a comfortable routine. Deeks would usually wake up first, just before six, leaving Kensi to sleep in. His strength was returning. Physically, he was feeling more himself. Mentally, he was getting there too. He wanted to work out his LAPD issues but nobody was going to give him a minute of their time if he wasn't fit enough to requalify for duty.

By 6:30AM on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, he'd be at the gym, swimming laps for an hour, lifting weights for thirty minutes and running on the treadmill for another thirty. Tuesdays, Thursdays and Sundays, he'd lift weights for an hour, run on the treadmill for thirty minutes and take a spin class. He'd skip the gym on Saturdays - too many weekend warriors in a too small gym. The morning weather in Tututni Beach was high forties, low fifties with temperatures on a sunny day not getting much past the mid-seventies. Since it was cloudy more often than not, mid-sixties as highs for the day were the norm.

After the gym, Deeks would return to the guest house where Kensi would be getting started. Deeks would make breakfast - usually starved from his workout and beginning to eat more and more difficult to chew foods. The two would spend the day pursing what interested them. Deeks accomplished what Kensi thought he would by living in the water, working his way up from his kayak to his surf board and finally on the paddle board. There were long late afternoon naps that grew shorter as the month went on. Kensi would walk the beach, read, run, visit the gym two or three times a week during the day, even take one of the mountain bikes the B&B offered out for a spin. Sheriff Tate recommended a nearby gun range where Deeks broke in his new weapon while Kensi impressed and terrified the locals twice a week. There were mountain hikes on Sundays run by the B&B and Kensi happily tagged along. Once Deeks was surfing and using the paddle board regularly, Kensi decided to master the kayak. It didn't take her long.

Kensi checked her tablet nightly as Deeks started dinner. She told him she was checking to see if there was any Janvier or Sidorov news. There never was. She showed Deeks a personal e-mail from Nell. Covered in what looked like mud at a spa near her sister's apartment in Manhattan, Nell's e-mail included a description of a chocolate body wrap. Deeks teased Kensi about packing her things and leaving for New York immediately. She got quiet and told him she was happy in Oregon.

Deeks was surprised Kensi never mentioned missing her Mt. Rainer climb. Instead, they'd spend their nights watch some movies from Netflix or iTunes using his AppleTV. They caught up on a couple of television series - "Orphan Black" and "Justified" were favorites - and just relaxed. Deeks even found himself watching some Summer League NBA games on NBA-TV while Kensi had "Big Brother", "So You Think You Can Dance" and "America's Got Talent" to keep her entertained. There were a number of things they weren't talking about - what happened to him, what happened between them before what happened to him but he couldn't figure out how to bring up the latter without ever talking about the former.

He thought things were going well, still being careful with each other but well, on what was going to be their final Friday at the guest house. They were planning to attend the annual Tututni Beach Fair in the town square Saturday and a private reception afterwards at the Farraige. Have a little fun before they go back to Los Angeles on August 1st. Friday, he woke a little early and was trying to rev himself up for another workout when he heard Kensi moving.

"You OK?" Kensi asked, still wearing her sleeping tee and flannel pajama bottoms as she walked into the living room. It was still chilly out.

He was dressed in an Under Armour hoodie and long running shorts, as he stared out the living room window at the ocean. "Sure, fine. Why do you ask?"

"You're just up earlier than normal."

"Like half an hour. Woke up around five, couldn't go back to sleep. You seemed to be having a good dream so I figured I'd sit here, watch the ocean for a while and wait for the gym to open. Monty's started moving around so I'm guessing someone will want a walk pretty soon."

"Why couldn't you sleep?"

"Don't know." He shrugged his shoulders, no longer in pain every time he wanted to do that and watched Monty pad into the room. Well, the whole house was up now.

"Nightmares?"

"No."

"Okay."

"Kens, I'm fine." He saw her frown. "Really. Just woke up early."

"Have you had any nightmares since..." She waved her hand, not wanting to say what was coming next.

"No."

"Why not?" Kensi's tone was a combination of being amazed and demanding. A less enjoyable tone than he thought it would be.

"Excuse me?"

"I just thought, I mean, I'm just worried."

"Worried that I'm not having nightmares, well thanks. Maybe next you can worry about me not having blisters on my feet from running or a really bad sunburn from being out on the water."

"Don't do that."

"Don't do what, Kensi?" he asked sharply, standing to face her. He wasn't in the mood to be told how to behave. Nearly three full weeks of putting on a good face and suddenly she was making judgments.

She started to say something and stopped. She started again and stopped. She took a deep breath and began. "Physically, you're getting healthier every day. You're stronger, you've got more stamina, you're rounding into shape."

"Thanks," Deeks told her, feeling he was being patronized. "I'm sorry if I've been an embarrassment to you."

"That's not what I mean. You look like you. You look like my partner, the man I've worked with for the last three years. But you have these times when you're here but you're not. When you're looking out a window like you were just now or you're looking at the TV but not watching it. You're not there."

"I'm here. Been here the whole time. Cooking, cleaning, working out, swimming, surfing, doing what I came to do when I invited you here."

"Yeah. And in a minute or two you'll tell me a joke or you'll say something silly about Monty and you'll go back to pretending that everything is alright. But it's not. You've told me the LAPD shrink and Nate think you're fine. That's great, but are you? I worry that you're you undercover as yourself to the doctors and to me. Tell me where you are. I want to help. Let me in."

"Because, of course, you're such an expert on letting people help you. On letting people in."

"I probably deserve that."

"Skip probably," he snapped.

She took a deep breath. "If you're having nightmares, if you had a nightmare last night, you can tell me. No judgments."

"And if I didn't have a nightmare. If for some reason I just woke up early, can I tell you that too? Because that's what happened this morning and it seems to be earning me judgments."

"If that's what happened..."

"Not if, Kensi, that's what happened. I haven't had any nightmares since what happened, happened."

"Okay."

"Thank you. I'm going to walk Monty now, if you think I can handle that crushing responsibly in my weakened mental state." He started moving through the living room.

"Don't be like that."

"Excuse me?"

"I'm worried about you. This isn't you."

"This is exactly me, Kensi. I'm pissed because I don't need your pity. I don't need you thinking I'm an emotional cripple. And instead of making a joke and letting this go, I'm pushing back. Or maybe I'm calling you on your own bullshit. All this sharing feelings crap goes one way with you. You told me once that I never say what I really mean. Well, now I'm saying something. Problem is, since it isn't what you want to hear, you're not going to deal with it." He took the dog's leash from the coat rack in the foyer. "And we've all seen this show before. Since I had the nerve to push back, you'll keep that mouth of yours shut, those emotions of yours locked away," he told her as he attached the leash on Monty's collar. "I'm sure when we get back, you'll have locked yourself behind those great big walls you've built to make damn sure nobody ever really knows you. I'll make you breakfast and we'll pretend this never happened, the way we pretend nothing real ever happens between us."

He walked to the door when he heard her whispered, "you're wrong" and it made him angry. By the time he returned to the living room, he was furious. "I'm not wrong, dammit. You're not the only one who can deal with bad things happening and move ahead. You want to know why I haven't had any nightmares? Probably because there is nothing so dark and so damaged in my psyche that's worse than what I survived. And not just what I lived through in that warehouse, what I've survived since I was a kid. I work hard not to be miserable every damn day and have done that for years. I'm sorry if it seems to you like I'm struggling with that from time to time right now even though I'm not. Just mark that down as another area where I'm found lacking." He pulled on Monty's leash and started to walk out. The dog was growling. "Maybe you and Sam can compare notes when he's back. Come up with a list of all my failings, though I guess I should be grateful that at least you seem interested in fixing what you find wrong with me. Sam just doesn't like me." He slammed the door behind him.

It took nearly an hour for Deeks to cool off. Monty's walk turned into a visit to the beach. He didn't regret what he said as much as how he said it. She was poking at him so he made damn sure he not only poked back but hit all her sore spots. So much for working hard not to be miserable every day.

He walked into an empty living room and then an empty kitchen. He put out some breakfast for Monty, noticing the telltale Kensi spillage by the Kreuig machine. He made himself a decaf Kona and saw her on sitting on the deck fence, head down, staring at her coffee mug. Bravo Marty, he thought to himself, you just broke Kensi.

Pulling the slide door opened, he walked out. "I'm sorry I got angry. I didn't handle that well and I apologize."

"It's okay." Her sleep clothes were replaced by a fleece jacket, a tank top and yoga pants.

"No, actually it's not. You were concerned and I was a prick."

She nodded her head. He dragged one of the Adirondack deck chairs to face her but she didn't look up.

"Are you hungry? I could make..." he said to her as he sat down.

"I thought you were dead when we got to Sidorov's warehouse," Kensi told him, still looking at her coffee.

"Kensi, you don't..."

"I mean, you weren't moving. You're always moving. Even when you're hurt like when we first got here, your fingers are always tapping or you're running your hand over your face or through your hair. When you got shot, you were pulling at the different IV tubes, using that finger pulse monitor as a metronome on the hospital table. You even move in your sleep. Always doing something. It's what makes sitting across from you and Sam so hilarious every day. Sam can sit for hours and not move. If he's reviewing a case file or reading background materials for a cover he's working up, he's a statue. You, you're the kid in class who should have gotten one hundred on the exam but the teacher took five points off because you have ants in your pants."

"I'll have you know my pants are ants free," he tried to joke.

"You couldn't sit still if your life depended on it," she said automatically but then stopped when she realized what she said actually meant. Putting the coffee cup on the top, flat rail of the fence, she looked at him and continued. "The CIA got the first lead on where you two were. They had a helicopter and planned on landing it in a nearby multiplex parking lot. Hetty found out, somehow. She wanted us to get there, she wanted us to rescue you two before the CIA. She didn't trust them outside of Michelle. She called in a favor from someone she knew who had his own Chinook helicopter. Only Hetty, right? The CIA had bad maps because they wound up in the wrong multiplex lot nearly a mile away. We landed in a parking lot for a truck rental place around the corner from where you were being held. Callen, me, the tact team, we breached that building while the CIA was trying to read a map of East Los Angeles."

"Kens, you don't have to..."

"When we got into the building," Kensi went on, "we found the room where they were holding Sam. It was really bright and white. He was in bad shape. His heart was falling all out of rhythm or something. He was having a hard time breathing but he got us to understand that you were on the other side of the door." Her eyes filled with tears. "The CIA breached the building just as I opened the glass door. Your head was on your chest. You had on a white shirt that was covered in blood. I was screaming that we needed an ambulance even though I knew Callen called for two."

He wanted to say something because he saw how much pain she was in. He wanted her to stop because these were all things he never needed to know and never wanted to hear. But he also knew if she stopped talking, she'd never talk to him about anything difficult again.

"I pushed your head up and your mouth opened. All this blood came out with white chunks of something. When I looked at your lap, I saw it was part of one of your teeth." Kensi was crying now. "I looked in your mouth for just a minute and it was all I could do not to scream. Not to scream for what they did to you, not to scream what I wanted to do to them."

OK, now he needed her to stop talking. "Kensi, you can stop, really. I'm so sorry about this morning. I really didn't mean to upset you."

She continued as if she never heard him. "Sam had these velcro cuffs on his arms and legs so Callen with one of the tact team guys was trying to get Sam out of that metal chair because Callen said the seat was hot. I started to undo the leather straps holding you to the chair but I realized that was probably the only thing keeping you upright and I was terrified you were going to choke to death on a tooth or blood. When the ambulances arrived like a lifetime later, Callen went with Sam, I went with you."

"I don't remember much about being in the hospital until I saw Nate but I have this flash of memory of you sleeping with your arms folded near my leg."

She nodded. "When we got you to the hospital, you were in surgery for hours. The doctors said you had, well, you know what you had. I sat there for hours before Hetty called Nell to drive me home so I could clean up. Nell promised she was going to drive me back to the hospital so she waited while I took a shower. I had blood, your blood, all over my clothes. I wanted to throw them out but Nell bagged them in case they were needed for evidence. I don't ever remember being angry at Nell before that. Nell. Nell is my friend, my Saturday morning partner in crime. The weekend before it all went to hell, we caught a 9AM showing of "Iron Man 3" at the Grove, went to Canter's for lunch and wound up getting manis/pedis about a block from the restaurant. We had so much fun. She giggles when they used the pumice stone on her feet and that makes me laugh. And when she pulled out this brown paper bag to put my clothes in, I wanted to throw her out of my place and never talk to her again. That was your blood, you were dying and she wanted my shirt like it was an episode of "CSI" or something."

"Oh Kens, she was doing her job."

"I know. I mean, I told her I was sorry the next day when she came by to visit and I think she understood but..." Kensi wiped the tears that kept coming and continued. "When we drove back to the hospital, you were in recovery. They told Hetty, Callen and me what they had to do and it made me sick. Callen took me to see Sam while they were getting you a room. Sam told me what he remembered. What they did to him. What they did to you. How you held it all together. My God, Deeks."

"It's okay, I'm here, we're here."

"Hetty told me you were in this secure private hospital room. Limited access, NCIS guards and you'd be protected but you know, nothing good ever happens to you when I'm not around so I told her I'd be there. When I saw you after you were shot, you looked like you were asleep with this big bandage on your chest. This time, your face was covered with bruises and stitches. Your chest was black and blue. The nurse kept coming in to check for blood in your urine."

"Kensi," Deeks said as he waved his hands, "too much information, even if it is about me."

She smiled, still with tears in her eyes but no longer crying. "I stayed with you for a few days. Callen, Nell or Eric would come in before work. Hetty would bring dinner every night. When he was up to it Sam would stop by. If Callen was there, I'd go back to NCIS for a shower and a change of clothes. After a few days, Granger walks in."

"Please tell me he wasn't checking my urine. And if he was, thank God I was out cold."

Kensi started laughing, making Deeks feel better for a few seconds before he saw she was crying again and harder this time. "No, he wasn't. Wasn't bringing dinner, either. He told me that they had a lead on Sidorov and that Callen and I were going to be transported to Edwards Air Force base. There's this NCIS agent Callen knows. He's on loan to Homeland Security and he's as fluent in Russian as Callen is. They were going to be a father-son team, I was going to be Callen's girlfriend."

"Makes sense. Sidorov never saw either you or Callen as part of this case. Just Sam, Michelle and eventually me."

"I told Granger I wouldn't go. Couldn't go. I had to stay with you. I needed to be there when you woke up. He told me he wasn't asking, he was ordering me to go."

"Kens, you don't have to explain..."

"I quit."

"You what?"

"I gave him my gun and my badge and I told him to tell Hetty it was an honor to work for her. I quit." She shrugged her shoulders.

Deeks was confused. "Kens, I..."

"Callen showed up about an hour later with my gun, my badge and Hetty. She promised me you'd never be alone. NCIS would have someone there every day, your old handler Ruben, Bates and LAPD would have someone you'd know there every night. Hetty had people there a couple of nights when I was running out of steam. Everyone, Hetty said, would be invested in keeping you safe. Callen said Sam wanted the two of us to get Sidorov before he, Michelle and their kids would have to go into protective custody. Callen convinced me that the best way to protect you and to protect Sam and his family was to bring Sidorov down."

"Kensi, you don't have to explain why you weren't there."

"Hetty promised me an update every morning and I got a text message from her every day in Portuguese at 9AM. My cover was a Brazilian bikini model who got her hooks into Callen's Russian playboy. There were two night nurses who spoke Spanish. They sent me a text message in Spanish every night at 9PM. Nobody missed a day. I was having lunch with Callen at a deli in Sheepshead Bay when Hetty called. She said you woke up. I wanted to come home, I, I, I," Kensi was searching for the right words, "I needed to see you. I trust Hetty with everything but I needed to see you with my own two eyes."

"I saw me. Nobody needed to see that."

"I did," she said quietly. Taking a deep breath, she continued. "Things were coming to a head. Callen asked me if I was willing to trade capturing Sidorov for a visit with you and I said yes."

"I'm not worth it."

"You're wrong," she said with an intensity that stunned him. "If it was just arresting Sidorov, I would have been on a plane an hour after Hetty called. Callen and his pal Gibbs could handle it. But Callen pushed that Sidorov had the nukes, wanted Michelle, tried to kill you and Sam and you were still in danger. He had to be captured. The nukes had to be recovered."

"And they were."

"But we lost Sidorov. When I got back to L.A., I went straight to your place. Hetty told me you were released two days before we got back. You weren't there. Your neighbor..."

"Mrs. Lowell?"

Kensi nodded. "She said you'd been gone since mid-May. I called Hetty, Hetty called Bates and Bates called me. He said you were in an LAPD safe house and he'd pass along a message."

"He never told me anything."

"I didn't tell him anything. I told him I'd talk to you when you were back. And it was weeks before I saw you again."

"I was just ..."

"Going to the dentist. Getting yourself together. I get that. I get that you're working on that here and I want to be supportive, I really do. But I'm afraid that one of those days when you're staring out the window or looking through the TV going off some place that you're going to stay wherever you go. And I knew this before what happened happened but I can't lose you. I'm not sure when it happened but at some point, you became something... someone," Kensi sighed. "You know you're important to me, don't you?"

"I do." He wanted to tell her he knew because he knew what she meant to him but he needed to hear the rest of what she wanted to say.

"But you were gone. And I did every single thing Hetty asked, Callen asked, whatever Granger wanted done, I did because," she stopped and reset. "When I was in college, I took this theology class."

"Okay," he told her but couldn't see her in a theology class. Applied physics, sure, theology, no.

"It was a requirement. The professor was a priest who knew most of us weren't, for the lack of a better phrase, buying what he was selling all the time but he was interesting and could really hold a class' attention." She smiled. "Anyway, he would talk about the kinds of lives we should lead. About being someone who actively participated in our own lives by doing good things, helping people, living a life with a purpose."

"That's you Kensi," Deeks told her, "that's you."

"But it wasn't when you were gone. Fr. Fowler had these terms: human beings and human doings. Human beings exist in the moment, find good things even in bad things, make a positive contribution. Human doings are going through the motions. I was a human doing while you were gone. I was angry and hurt when my father was killed. I was heartbroken when Jack left. I was sad when Dom died. I left you on a ridge looking like you, being infuriatingly you, and the next time I saw you, you were damn near dead. And then you were gone. And in a way, so was I."

"Oh Kensi, I'm so sorry."

"No, it's okay. Because you're here. I always figured you'd leave me. Everyone does..."

"Kens..."

She shook her head. "No, I don't mean they do it on purpose. I sort of figured that out after my father's murder was solved."

"By you. After your father's murder was solve by you," he reassured her.

Kensi got an odd smile, pride Deeks thought. Kensi continued. "Dom, my Dad, they had their choice taken away from them. Jack wasn't Jack anymore so I lost him a long time before he left. And you know, he was a human doing by the end too," Kensi told him, shaking her head sadly. "I'm so afraid you're not going to be you anymore and I'm not smart enough or strong enough or good enough to keep you here with me. And I don't want you to act like what happened was nothing or that you're past it if you're not. I just want to help. I want you to talk to me." She giggled and started crying hard again. "God, I can't believe I'm begging you to talk after spending three years telling you to shut up."

"I knew I'd wear you down," he tried to joke.

She was having none of it. She was as serious as he'd ever remembered her being when she told him, "You did. You wore me down completely. And in doing that, you're the last, irrevocable loss. I'm finished without you."

Deeks stood. Kissing her lightly on the forehead, he told her, "don't move," before jogging into the house. He returned with a box of tissues, a bottle of water and Monty, who made himself comfortable near where Kensi sat. Deeks handed Kensi the tissue box and she took a few, drying her eyes and blowing her nose before stuffing the tissues in her pocket. After opening the water bottle, he handed it to her. Once she drank some of it, he eased her off the fence and into his arms. He held her a few minutes before guiding them back to his chair. He sat down, pulling her into his lap. With his arms wrapped around her, he said, "I'm just going to talk, okay. You don't have to do anything. Just listen, okay?"

When he felt her nod yes, he began.

-30-


	4. Everything is Survivable

**Warning**: Graphic imagery.

* * *

**4**. "I'm not saying that everything is survivable. Just that everything except the last thing is." - John Green, "Paper Towns"

* * *

Deeks took a deep breath and began. "I'm not going anyplace dark or thinking about what happened when I seem to check out. I don't even think I'm checking out. I am thinking, though," he told her, closing his eyes. "I haven't told you, didn't tell Hetty when I stopped by the office but Bates is considering taking me off the streets. He's thinking of either sitting me down or pushing me out. I can go back to Legal. I can work as a handler but he doesn't want to put me back on the street."

"Does he get to decide? There have to be other people who have a say."

"He runs the unit so he has a lot of say and gets to decide. He's also willing to wash me out if I won't work indoors. Disability retirement with full benefits. The pension board is ready to sign off on it if Bates wants it to happen. In the last thirty years, six LAPD officers were tortured in the line of duty, including me. Gangs and drug dealers were behind it in the past so outside of a handful of people, LAPD's been told what happened to me was part of a drug investigation. Anyway, the other five cops were retired by the department. Two had their trigger fingers cut off – an old gang favorite - so they were done for physical reasons. The other three were just pushed out. Full benefits, three-quarters pay but done. I'm going to make it six."

"He can't do that. You have rights. You have a union. You have to be given a chance to return." Kensi was preparing for a fight.

He held her a little tighter and opened his eyes. The world didn't come to an end when he said the words "disability" or "retirement" - two words he feared. Kissing the top of her head, he told her, "Kens, two of the guys ate their guns. Well, one guy ate his gun. The other drove down to San Diego and jumped off the Coronado Bridge. Bates is worried I may do the same." Deeks paused for a second before continuing. "He can't understand why I'd want to not only go back to work but go back to the liaison position. He thinks I gave everything I had to stay alive and to protect Sam and Michelle. Everybody survived. I did my job and did it well no matter what anyone else says. He wants to know why I would go back. Hetty told me that Bates didn't return a call from Sam but Bates told me he had some sort of conversation with Sam. If it was like my last conversation with Sam, Bates knows Sam thinks I'm useless. And since they're both former military, Sam's opinion carries some weight."

"Sam does not think that."

"You're right. Sam told me he didn't think much of my character. I'm just assuming he thinks I'm useless. What I don't get is I know how much Sam cares about you, how he looks out for you like family. Why he'd let you work with me when he thinks so little of me..."

Kensi pulled back and looked him right in the eye. "He doesn't..."

"He does. He told me. Ops probably heard it too since the comms were opened, so it's on tape. Hell, if they ever catch Sidorov and there's a trial, it'll show up in discovery. And you know what, it's fine. He's wrong but it's fine. I've always gotten that I'm an acquired taste. But Bates is so angry about what happened. So angry that LAPD wasn't called during the first few days I was in the hospital..."

"Hetty wanted to keep operational integrity while we looked for Sidorov."

"I'm not operational integrity Kens, I was an injured detective working for the LAPD. And Bates isn't some paper pushing cop. He's former military, an Army interrogator. He could have been trusted. He's should have been read in and that's part of the reason he's so furious. He's not wrong. Bates told me he's going to end the liaison program with or without LAPD's permission. He doesn't want to send me back so he'll just line up a bunch of short-timers or green officers."

"Short-timers?"

"Guys with a year left before retirement. They don't do much except try not to get killed before they start collecting their pension. Bates will send over so many problem people that the program will die."

"We can't let him do that."

"I know. I can't let him send people that are going to get you hurt. That could get you killed. And he knows Hetty won't allow someone like that on the team. So that's how the liaison position and the liaison program dies," Deeks told her. "And that's what I'm trying to reconcile in my head. If I somehow get myself back in a position where I can requalify physically, I have to come up with a reason to keep me on the streets. Otherwise, I'm out of the undercover unit and probably driving a desk. So I have a few weeks to figure out what I bring to my job that's unique, that can't be replaced."

"You bring you," Kensi told him as she put her head back on his chest.

"Which Bates thinks is a big part of the problem." He sighed. "The sad thing is before all this happened, I would have told you I'm not only good at this, I was damn good at it. Sidorov, Andros, Zhrov and those other psychos aside, I could do this. And you know what, I survived this. And not to sound dumb or corny but if I lose my career over this, Sidorov got more out of me than some pain. He got my future."

"Sidorov doesn't get to win," she said as she took his left hand in hers. "Hetty will get Bates to understand. I'll get him to understand."

"Staying here has gotten you in touch with your inner-Charley. Not that your inner-Kensi needed much of a push. So Bates isn't going to say no to you," he said softly.

"No, he won't."

They sat for a while just holding each other. Deeks took another deep breath. It was time. "I've had a couple of near misses in my career. Getting shot at the convenience store wasn't the first time things went really wrong. I had a few drug busts go sideways. Had a guy come at me with a knife once. All split second decisions, live or die, figure something out fast or you're done. Lazik was the closest I came to any sort of prolonged end of it all and I knew with him, he'd have his men knock me around for some laughs and then shoot me in the head once he was bored. Not the way I planned on dying but I got to say some smart ass things trying to be tough. I even spit blood on his six-hundred dollar shoes so if I was getting offed, I was going out with some style."

"You don't..."

He kissed the top of her head again. "I do. When the Russians knocked Sam into the pool, I thought Callen or someone would show up at some point so I wasn't worried going in to rescue him. I mean knowing what I know now I'd have still gone anyway but I thought someone was close by. Once I got Sam out of the pool, those greedy bastards pushed me back in and ordered me to get the briefcase with the gold before they'd let me perform CPR on Sam. That thing was so heavy. Once Sam started coming around, and that took a couple of minutes, I thought that maybe the time spent getting the briefcase and Sam's slow reaction to the CPR would have given Callen, a tact team, LAPD, someone, anyone, a chance to get us. But they didn't."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry. You were exactly where you should have been, with Michelle. And I couldn't... you... you needed to be with Michelle." The thought of her near Sidorov sickened him. "Sam's beginning to breathe on his own, which gives Andros and Zhrov, the evil minions, the all clear to start kicking the living shit out of me. Mostly ribs and kidney shots. One of them missed and caught me in the head. I was a little fuzzy after that."

"Deeks, really, you can..."

"I'm doing this once, Kensi. I haven't told anybody all of it. Just what I thought they needed to know. I'd like you to know everything. If you can't handle that, tell me and that's fine. We'll just sit here for a while and then I'm make us some breakfast and we'll start the day. But I want to tell you. I think you need to know."

"Tell me what you need to tell me. Trust me."

"I do. I don't know where they took us. I mean I know the warehouse was on South Garfield. I sort of broke into my personnel file - Eric would have been so proud of me - when I got home because nobody would tell me where it was but I didn't know that day," he was rambling and he knew it. "But after they stomped on me, I guess they put us in a van or something. I don't know how they got us there but I woke up strapped into a chair. And I knew I was going to die."

"No, Deeks..."

"My clothes were starting to dry. My field jacket, I miss that jacket, felt like it weighed a ton when I was doing CPR on Sam. Except for the bottom half of the sleeves, it was dry. Jeans were still a little wet but if I was mostly dry I knew we were missing for a while."

"As soon as we knew where you were..."

Deeks shook his head. "I knew you'd be looking for us. That's not... it's just the old rule. Nothing good happens when bad guys move things to a second location. And Sidorov, nothing good was ever going to happen period. I remembered what happened those sleeper agents. We saw what he did to his old girlfriend, how he killed Varlamov. Nothing good was going to happen. So I see Sam sitting in this bright room. His clothes were still soaked but my stuff was drying. Anyway, Sam was just coming around when one of the evil minions, Zhrov, walks over near me, leaves a tray on a table and sort of laughs at me. Then he hit me and I think that's where the cut on my face came from."

"I'm sorry."

"Not your fault."

"I shouldn't have left you."

"Michelle was your assignment. None of this is your fault. It's not Sam's, or mine or Callen's or Hetty's. It's Sidorov. Just Sidorov," Deeks sighed. "So back to the unhappiest place on earth, I'm trying to clear my head when Sidorov and an evil minion Andros walk into Sam's room. Sidorov starts asking Sam about Quinn." Deeks started imitating Sidorov. "Is Quieenn an agent? Is Quieenn in on this. Quieen, Quieen." He chuckled in spite of himself.

"He sounds like a Bond villain."

"More like Boris Badenov," Deeks answered in his own voice. "I guess that makes me Moose and Sam Squirrel. Hey, the initials work." Deeks chuckled again, thinking that laughing at this meant he was either dealing with what happened or was as crazy as Bates feared. "When Sam doesn't tell him anything, Sidorov nods to the minion who does something near the wall. I really couldn't see what he was doing but the next thing here is this buzzing noise and Sam looks like he's having a seizure."

"There was a small generator in the room with jumper cables attached to the chair."

"Jesus, really? Makes sense that his clothes were all still wet, then."

"Nobody told you?"

"No. Nate kept wanting to talk about my feelings, what happened to me. I didn't read much in the after-action reports except where we were kept. I didn't want to be near that place." Deeks worked hard to suppress a shudder and keep his breathing even. "Sam denies Michelle is an agent over and over again. Sidorov talks about going after the weak one and suddenly the door between Sam's shiny white room and my dark place opens. And it's showtime with me starring as the weak one."

"Deeks, I'll listen to anything and everything you need to tell me but know you're here and you're safe and you've never been the weak one."

"I know. And thank you." Deeks took a deep breath, steeling himself for what was coming. "I kept my cover. I was just a narcotics cop who stumbled into Sidorov's business. The problem was I worked a little too hard saving Sam. They knew we were together. They put this device in my mouth and I knew I was done. The minion, Andros, has a handheld drill and wow, I never saw that coming. I mean I saw it coming as he turned it on and put it in my mouth but who thinks of things like that? And oh God, it hurt."

As a shudder finally went through him, he felt Kensi tighten her grip on him. "It's okay, take your time."

"Did you guys hear when Lazik and his minions had me?"

"You like the word minions," Kensi noted.

"I do. Watched a lot of "Buffy" while I was recovering. Minions is a great word. Did you hear me with Lazik?"

"No. The first time I heard you was when we all met up in the basement. You were a little beat up but honestly, I thought you were sorta chipper considering…"

"There was a lot to be chipper about. I didn't die," he told her. "No kidding, I held up against Lazik. Took a couple of punches, got to be a little snotty. Didn't yell, didn't cry, didn't beg for my life. I was a dead man but I was going out as a man."

"Deeks, you're a man."

"Not with Sidorov. I screamed and cried like a baby when the drilling started. Oh God, Kensi, it hurt. And Sidorov, he had one hand under my chin and the other was in my hair so I couldn't move away. You want to know what I remember the most? His hand in my hair. He had to feel every vibration, hear every scream, knew I was crying and nothing. Just had his hand wrapped around some of my hair like it was a handle."

"He's a piece of filth, Deeks. And we'll find him and he'll pay for what he did."

Deeks nodded, knowing like Janvier, rich gunrunners and Russian mobsters don't get caught. "After Andros drills this one tooth into oblivion, he moves to the next one and he just keeps going. The drill kept getting hotter and hotter inside my mouth. There's all this dust and junk flying around in my mouth. Well, not dust and junk, those were my teeth and I was choking on them. After he was done with all the lower molars on the left side, Andros stopped drilling. Sidorov, still with his hand in my hair, whispered in my ear that he'd make it all stop, make the pain all go away if I just told him about Quinn. He'd kill me quick if I just told him what I knew."

"You didn't. You were strong."

Deeks noticed Kensi was crying. He was crying too. "No, I didn't tell them anything but I wasn't strong. When they started on all the back teeth on the top, I lost consciousness after a while. Not all that strong."

"Your system shut down to protect you."

"The drill slipped. It went through the roof of my mouth."

Kensi gasped. "Oh God Deeks, I'm sorry."

"When I woke up, the two minions were laughing as I tried to lift my head. I felt the left side of my mouth with my tongue and oh God, that was a mistake. Sidorov was back in with Sam but I couldn't understand what they were saying. And then the door opened again and I hear 'You're up,' from Sidorov and they put that brace back in my mouth and I wished he killed me."

"No, you don't."

"At that point, I did. I knew I was going to die. I was just...I didn't want me screaming with a psycho putting a hand drill in my mouth as my last act on this planet. Then the drill started again and after a while, I couldn't even scream anymore. I don't think I was conscious long. After that, I have these flashes of memories - you, I think Hetty and Bates were getting into it, a couple of LAPD people I know but the next thing I really remember is Nate."

"I wish I was there."

"No, you don't. I wasn't good company. I wasn't good for anything, really. I think that's when Bates took one look at me and decided he needed to protect me from myself. On one hand, I may have someone in my life who actually gives a shit about me because nobody ever tried to protect me before but on the other, I want my career back. I want my life back."

"You'll get you your life back. And you have people in your life who care about you. I do. It's getting harder and harder to remember a time when I didn't."

"That's the other thing. I know we were in a weird place when this all started and maybe we still are. We're certainly in this holding pattern until, well, now I guess. But you'll be just another thing I lose in this. No job, no future, no you. Only I'd hit a trifecta and lose everything."

"You didn't lose me. You're not losing me."

"How do I have you if you're waiting for me to fall apart? How do I have you when a good day is only taking an hour long nap before dinner? I'm sound asleep most nights long before you even go to bed. God, who wouldn't want that?" he said, disgusted with himself.

"Deeks, give yourself a break. You're up hours before I am. You're napping before dinner and you're going to bed early because you're busting your ass to get better. You've been so good, so disciplined about the gym, about being out on the water. I've been watching. Surfing is your reward. That paddle board - that's hard work and you're doing it for hours every day." Kensi pulled back and looked right at him. "And I'm not waiting for you to fall apart. I want to keep you with me. I want to be as strong for you as you're being for yourself, as you were for Sam and Michelle. You want your job back with LAPD, I'll fight for you and so will Hetty, Callen and Sam."

"Maybe you and Hetty. Sam, not so much."

"Why do you think Sam thinks you're useless or you have character issues? You couldn't be more wrong. Sam was amazed by your strength, by your will. He told me that in the hospital. He told me he couldn't believe how strong you were. He had training with the SEALs. He knew what to do, how to survive being tortured. You didn't have any of that and you saved yourself, saved Sam and Michelle."

He put his hand on her cheek, wiping away her tears with his thumb. "I have everyone's back. I always have."

"Sam never thought he'd need someone to have his back or if he did, it would be Callen or Michelle."

"Yeah, and he gets dimed out by Janvier and all he has is me."

"And it was all he needed. He's grateful, Deeks, so grateful. He doesn't think you're useless or any other nasty comment you can come up with for yourself. Michelle called you a hero. Sam agreed."

"I'm not a hero, I'm a cop Kensi and I'm losing that. That's who I am, it's what I do, what I'm good at."

"Hetty would have never brought you in if you weren't."

"And if I lose my job with LAPD. How can Hetty keep a cop who is out on disability? I'll tell you. She can't."

"You're not going out on disability and never underestimate Hetty."

"And what if we're overestimating me? What happens if somehow I get my job back, somehow I requalify. Are you going to feel safe going through a door with me?"

She looked at him like he was insane. "Always."

"Wrong," he told her with no malice. "You think I'm having nightmares. Now you're going to run into a dark room looking for bad guys with me?"

"Yes, because I'm going into every room with someone I trust without reservation. Someone whose loyalty is unquestioned. The strongest man I know. I'm no fool, Deeks. I couldn't be in better hands."

"I flipped out the first day at the dentist," he looked down as he told her. "She put her hand in my mouth and some piece of equipment and I just started crying. She was a special dentist Bates knew who dealt with trauma victims and she still made me cry. A true feat of strength there, huh?"

She tilted his head up so his gaze met hers. "A true reaction of a survivor. The feat of strength was surviving being with Sidorov. That dentist chair you went back to over and over again meant you wanted to be whole. That's another feat of strength."

"I want back in but I'm afraid I'll fail you. And if I fail and something happens to you liked it happened to me..."

"You won't fail. You said it yourself, you're good at this." Kensi smiled and lifted an eyebrow. "And why would it be your fault if something happens to me but what happened to you wasn't my fault or Sam's, Callen's or anyone else's but Sidorov's."

"Because it was Sidorov's fault," he told her. The look of determination in her eyes, her trust in him made him smile. "I'm still recovering, I was unaware that I needed to be logical. Try me again in a couple of days, I'll try to be logical."

"How about trying to be Deeks. You're good at that and getting better every day. I'm sorry if I upset you this morning. I don't think you're weak. I know you're strong. I want to help you. I want you to know you can trust me with everything."

"I do trust you with everything. And you have helped. Normal matters to me. Us being us for the last month has been good. I needed us to go back to where we were. I don't know exactly where we were..."

"Figuring out how to communicate?" she asked with a smile.

"I think we're doing okay today."

"You're doing amazing." She gently kissed him on the cheek.

"You weren't too bad yourself," he told her as he pulled her close.

"Now what?" she asked after a while.

Good question. He wasn't sure what 'now what' meant. 'Now what' for Friday, 'now what' for his career, 'now what' for the rest of his life, the rest of their lives. He decided to stick with Friday, even if it made him feel like a coward. "You want pancakes? We haven't had pancakes in a while."

She chuckled and said "Sure, why not?"

* * *

Kensi told him she had an errand to run so she dropped him off at the gym just before ten and promised she whould be back before noon. Breaking out of his usual routine, he swam for over an hour - impressing the hell of out two young mothers who were bouncing their newborns in the pool - then took a yoga class with the young mothers, a very limber fisherman and an older woman who put them all to shame. Kensi pulled up in the truck, smiling, just after noon with takeout sandwiches from Mort's and two rather large shopping bags.

Back at the house, Kensi told him she had a nice talk with Sharon at the B&B earlier in the week. The private reception Saturday night, while not a formal event, wasn't hoodie, board shorts or yoga pants appropriate. She handed him a shopping bag from a men's shop north of Port Orford.

"You bought me something to wear?" Deeks was stunned as he looked at the shopping bag.

"Not a suit or anything, just something nice. Open it."

Deeks lifted an eyebrow and peeked carefully into the bag. He pulled out a black men's button down shirt. "I do have a good shirt with me. I figured at some point we'd have gone out to dinner someplace that didn't serve food in takeout cartons."

"It's a nice shirt," she told him. "Besides, you have some really nice color right now. Dark shirts always show off a tan."

"Someone's been mainlining 'What Not To Wear,'" Deeks teased. "Did you buy yourself something to wear, yoga pants?"

"Maybe," she smiled as she took her sandwich and shopping bag to the deck.

An hour later, Deeks found himself out on his paddle board rethinking the morning. He needed a better answer to "now what" he decided. He wanted more than pancakes and based on what happened this morning with Kensi - who was reading "Unbroken" on the beach with Monty next to her chair - so did she.

No more secrets. No more hiding. Maybe just more. Now he had to figure out how to make that happen.

-30-


	5. Kissing the Shoreline

**5.** "Because there is nothing more beautiful than the way the ocean refuses to stop kissing the shoreline, no matter how many times it's sent away." - Sarah Kay, "B"

* * *

July 27, 2013

For the first time since they arrived, Deeks woke up in bed alone. Friday was so exhausting both physically and emotionally that he and Kensi had dinner, watched "Ferris Bueller" on Netflix and were dozing on the couch before 10PM. Kensi woke him just before midnight and they tripped into the bedroom.

Still dressed in a sweatshirt and board shorts, Deeks just plopped in bed and started to go back to sleep. He was falling asleep when he felt Kensi join him in bed. Unlike any night before, she rolled over to his side of the bed, gave him a kiss on the cheek and said "good night, Deeks." Something changed. Maybe if they were awake enough after the reception at the B&B, maybe they'd figure it out.

He took a quick shower, noticing it was almost 9AM. When he looked for Kensi, he found a note on the kitchen counter

_Deeks -_

_Took Monty for an early walk. Had an errand to run in town. Monty wanted to tag along but since I figured I'd do the grocery shopping, I left him on the deck._

_I made you breakfast which I also left on the deck. See you when I get back._

_K_

He saw Monty sitting by the table on the deck. There was a plate with an inverted second plate over it - he assumed that was his breakfast. Warmer than it had been for their entire trip, Deeks was able to enjoy breakfast outside with just his coffee, a tee-shirt, board shorts and bare feet.

Kensi's breakfast offering was a Pop Tart, untoasted, still in the wrapper. Breaking it into pieces, he picked up a couple that fit in his hand and took himself, the Pop Tart bits and his coffee to the edge of the deck to watch the ocean.

Deeks saw Frank, the B&B's handyman walk up from the beach. "Do you mind if I take the short cut through the driveway?" Frank asked, carrying a trash grabber in one hand and a large garbage bag in the other.

"No problem. Please don't tell me you were taking the long way around the guest house the whole time we've been here."

"Well, the two of you are usually up and out early in the morning so if you're not there," Frank smiled and shrugged his shoulders. "Just had more garbage than usual on the beach."

"Visitors for the town fair or whatever it is?"

"It used to be the town fair. Now it is some festival or something. Twenty-five years ago it was a picnic and that was fine, too." Frank smiled and shook his head. "We got some venders doing rides, selling food, carnival games. Guess they hit the beach late yesterday or early this morning before setting up. At least clean up after yourself if you're trespassing on private property."

"Are you working tonight?"

"The B&B staff runs the private reception with a catering company from Coos Bay. Everyone in town invited for a free meal and drinks. About half of them come every year. I'm there to make the lights stay on and the trailer restrooms are working. The nice thing, we work tonight, the B&B closes tomorrow at 10AM and reopens Thursday. We can use the place, having guests of our own over at the B&B. Mrs. Buchannan runs a nice business. This is her thank you to us for not enjoying the picnic turned fair turned festival."

"The Buchanans are good people."

"They are," the older man told Deeks. "Listen, I know you're leaving first thing Thursday morning. I'd be happy to help you load the kayak on the truck."

"Thanks, I may take you up on that. Bringing it down to the locker was so helpful." Deeks figured the nice envelope he planned on leaving for Frank just a nicer.

"If you don't mind me saying, you're looking much better than when you arrived."

"Feeling better," Deeks told the man, nodding his head.

"Sharon told me you were hurt in an accident. I remember you being the cop in the wedding. If you don't mind me asking, was it work related?"

"Got dimed out on an undercover case. Took the beating of my life," Deeks tried out what was going to become his cover story to the world if he got his job back.

"I'm sorry, man. That's just wrong."

"Hey, you didn't do the beating, no need to apologize," Deeks joked. "Spent some time laid up. Needed to get better and Charley and Tim were nice enough to offer this place."

"Told you, good people."

"True," Deeks took a sip of his coffee. "Can I ask you a favor, though?"

"Tell me what you need."

"We're sort of not advertising I'm a cop or that I got hurt in the line of duty. Anyone asks, bad car accident."

"I'll even make sure it was the other driver's fault but folks around here mostly mind their business."

"Folks around here have been incredibly nice. Listen, do you want a cup of coffee or something?"

"No, my wife provides the breakfast in 'bed and breakfast' so I get the first cup out of the big urn every morning. Just the short walk is fine. The restrooms should be here pretty soon so I'm off."

"Frank, thanks again for everything. This time here was exactly what I needed."

"My wife gets one of those Good Thoughts of the Day calendars every year. She mails some of the sayings to our daughter or hangs them on the fridge. The only one I remember that's worth a damn is that what happens to you doesn't make you who you are, how you react to what happens to you does. Seems to be appropriate right now," Frank chuckled to himself. "Ginny will be so pleased. Enjoy the festival-fair-picnic and the reception tonight. We like to do the town proud," Frank told him as he walked away.

Kensi returned about half an hour later with food, two bags from Target she wouldn't discuss and a smile. "Did you like breakfast?" she asked.

"Yes, it's a wonder we've gotten by on my meals with you hiding your culinary expertise," he answered.

"I like to do my share," she said taking her Target bags into the bedroom.

They left for the Tututni Beach Summer Fair-Xashi Festival just before eleven. It was part street fair, part country fair, part church bazaar. There were artists selling their works, carnival rides, photos booths, games of skill and all sorts of food. Kensi found a carnival truck with a metal duck target shooting contest. Sheriff Tate, in full uniform, warned the truck owner not to let Kensi shoot but the man didn't listen. Kensi wound up with two hurricane glasses, a three-foot stuffed Elmo and a four-foot pinata filled with candy before the truck owner crowned her queen of ducks and took the fake rifle away. Deeks warned her to keep Elmo away from Monty - Monty hated Elmo.

Deeks won a couple of games of cornhole toss which earned him a "Life's a Beach" trucker's cap. He saw a local photographer who had amazing sunset shots of the beaches in the area. He bought a large photo for his apartment and asked if it could be framed and shipped. It could. He also found a smaller photo of what looked like the view from the guest house already framed. He bought that for Kensi and hid it in the truck.

Around three, there was a "South Oregon Has Talent" show. A couple of singing children, two hip-hop teenagers, a ballet class, a juggler, a college student twirling with fire and a couple of garage bands filled two very entertaining hours. Four twenty-somethings doing their best Mumford & Sons covers won the $500.00 prize.

Deeks and Kensi made their way back to the guest house to clean up for the reception at the B&B. There was a 7PM cocktail hour followed by an 8PM seating for dinner and dancing after 9:30PM. Deeks was hoping the lack of exercise would mean he wouldn't be falling asleep in his dessert and maybe, just maybe, he could keep up with Kensi on the dance floor,

Deeks took a quick shower, towel-dried his hair and changed into his jeans, Kensi's gift of a black shirt and his Reef leather slides. He saw himself in the bedroom mirror and was surprised he looked sort of like his old self. He was still probably ten pounds lighter than he wanted to be and his hair needed to be cut but he looked, well, alright. Also alright - Kensi's idea of wearing a black shirt. The nice button down black shirt did play up his tan. Maybe he was seeing the light at the end of his recovery.

Monty walked into the bedroom, looked at him and walked to the front door. Deeks banged on the bathroom door, telling a just out of the shower Kensi he was taking Monty for a walk. Twenty minutes later, he walked back into the house hearing the blow dryer going in the bathroom with some god-awful techno music. He was going to get her to sit through The Eagles Showtime documentary before they left. She had to be introduced to some music made by actually humans.

He and Monty went out on the deck. Dragging one of the chairs to edge of the deck, he waited with Monty and watched the setting sun on the water.

"You resting?" he heard Kensi say as she walked out on the deck.

"No, just watching the show," he said before turning around to look at her. When he finally turned, he was wondering why she bought him the shirt. He could have walked in to the reception wearing one of his hospital gowns and nobody would have noticed if she was by his side.

She pulled out the black sundress skirt and twirled around. "You like?"

'Very much," he said with a smile. "One question: where were you wearing that on Mt. Rainer?"

"Ordered it online. Had it sent to the B&B, Sharon was nice enough to sign for it."

"Remind me to thank Sharon. The shoes? Got those online too or were you going to humiliate your fellow climbers by scaling a mountain in your Christian Louboutins?"

"No," Kensi said, now modeling the strappy black sandals. "Picked them up in Target this morning. And not Christian Louboutins, Jessica Simpson."

"Remind me to thank Jessica too," Deeks said with a smile. "You look beautiful, Kens. I mean you always do but..."

Kensi returned his smile and put her hand in his. "Thank you. Now show me a good time"

When they arrived at the B&B, they were given a table number - 10. Kensi excused herself when Sharon waved for her. She asked Deeks to order her a glass of white wine. He made his way to the bar, ordering Kensi's wine and asking about their non-alcoholic beers. He hadn't had a beer or anything to drink since the weekend before Sidorov. The prior two plus months had more than their share of humiliating moments. Getting drunk on half a beer would have ranked high.

After hearing a rather impressive list of non-alcoholic offerings, Deeks ordered a Clausthaler.

"Oh for the love of all that's good and holy, what the hell happened to you, man? Near beer? I wouldn't wash your dog with that, forget mine. Hell, I wouldn't drink that with someone else's mouth," complained a man behind Deeks.

"I'd recognize those cultured, dulcet, Harvard tones anywhere," Deeks smiled as he turned around. Extending his arms, he said "Timmy" before giving the man a big hug.

Tim Brennan was six-foot three, 230-pounds of bear-hugging joy. "Marty, man, you scared the hell out of me. I thought you were going to die the minute I walked into that hospital room. Don't do that shit to us," Tim implored before pulling away from the hug. "And don't drink that fake beer. Order a Fresca or something for God's sakes. Be a man, have some dignity."

Laughing, Deeks said, "I didn't know you were coming."

"Long story, I'll tell you in a second. Sharon said you brought up a good looking brunette. I want details."

"She's really good with a gun, Timmy. Don't mess with Kensi."

"So you brought your partner and she's hot," Tim said as Kensi walked up.

"She's also standing right behind you," Kensi told him.

Tim turned around and looked at Kensi. He looked at Deeks and then looked at Kensi. "You're Kensi? Wow, did Marty ever outkick his coverage with you."

"Kensi Blye, this is New York's own Tim Brennan. He's a Harvard man, and I'd put the under/over on that coming up tonight at six. With that fine education and his New York City roots, he's a tad shy and keeps his thoughts to himself. Tim, if you could break out of your shell and say something, this is my partner and my friend, Kensi Blye."

"Moron," Tim said as he gave Deeks a fake withering look. "Kensi, it is an honor. Marty doesn't talk about work much when we see him but he's mentioned you and how great you are. So glad to finally meet you." He pulled her into a bear hug. Tim was a hugger.

Kensi was laughing throughout. "So, what are you guys, the East Coast-West Coast odd couple?"

Letting her go, Tim said, "Marty did live on my dorm floor for two months between student loans. I made him cook and clean so I guess you're Felix."

"If I remember correctly, I cleaned because I wouldn't have been able to find the floor with all the trash you had lying around. And as for cooking, Kensi, if there is something you like at dinner, eat it quickly. Tim likes to eat his plate clean, then everyone else at the table's plate clean."

"Well, there's one plate I leave alone," Tim said with a smile.

"Charley's here?" Deeks asked.

"She's reviewing the music the DJ was planning. Too many whining acoustic bands, not enough Sinatra."

"You're rubbing off on her."

"There's never enough Sinatra west of New Jersey." Tim handed Kensi her wine and Deeks his Clausthaler, adding "lightweight" in a stage whisper. "Off to find she who must be obeyed," he said pointing to the dinner tables.

Deeks saw Charley about a second before Tim did. Her back to them, her small frame - barely five foot three - along with her long, strawberry blonde hair pulled back into an elegant braid made her easy to find. She was fussing with centerpiece at table 10.

"Mrs. Brennan," Tim called to his wife as they approached, "I found our dinner companions."

"Mr. Brennan," Charley answered as she turned. "Did you share our surprise?" Charley was obviously pregnant.

"You're mocking my beverage choices when you have this news to share?" Deeks gave Tim a friendly shove before hugging Charley. "You are going to be a spectacular mother," he told her as he pulled away from the hug. Pointing to Kensi, he said "Charley, this is Kensi Blye. Kensi, this is Charley Brennan."

"We've spoken on the phone, silly," Charley told Deeks as walked up to Kensi. The two women hugged.

"It is so nice to meet you in person," Kensi said hugging back. "This place is beautiful," Kensi told Charley as Deeks and Tim held out their chairs to sit.

"We are so screwed," Deeks joked to Tim as he took his seat. "World domination is within their reach."

Tim gave Deeks a peaceful smile. "I, for one, look forward to the rule of our totally hot and awesome female overlords."

"Wouldn't they be overladies, Harvard?"

"Ah, Marty, they'll be whatever they want to be and we'll be happy with it."

"So exactly when did you to become BFFs?" Deeks asked, waving his finger between Kensi and Charley.

"I was checking on you regularly after Sharon told me you arrived," Charley explained.

"Weren't you in Seychelles?" Deeks asked, knowing if Charley used the word 'regularly' she was calling at least twice a day.

"Place wasn't worth what they wanted for it," Tim answered. "We've been in Bellingham since Fourth of July."

"Sharon said Kensi was in the Farraige just after one of the Sunday mountain hikes and I decided to introduce myself via Skype."

"You could have mentioned this," Deeks gave Kensi the eye.

"Charley said she was thinking about coming down for the reception and we decided it would be a good idea to surprise you," Kensi defended herself. "Surprise!"

"You missed our anniversary dinner Marty, totally not your fault, and you were missed. When Tim said you were injured in the line of duty and how badly injured you were, we all wanted to see a healthier you. I wanted to go to the hospital but Tim said you weren't up to it."

"Wasn't up to much."

"Did they find who hurt you? Will you have to relive it in court? What can we do to help?" Charley was busy being Charley.

"They got a few of them, a few got away. I don't know about court, nobody's really talked to me about that." Deeks really hadn't given that a minute's worth of thought. If they ever found Sidorov, he was going to Gitmo or some Russian gulag for a good long time. Of course, everyone is going to think this is a drug/gang case. "And you've done more to help than you can ever know. I owe you guys forever."

"Funny, my Dad feels the same way about you." Charley put her hand over Deeks's.

"So, how did this happen?" Deeks asked, pointing to the Charley's baby bump.

"Well, Marty, when a man cares for his wife, they sometimes express their love in physical ways," Tim teased, speaking to Deeks as if he was a six-year old. Kensi and Charley started laughing.

Deeks looked at Tim and rolled his eyes. "Oh, here we go. It's going to be a long night."

Ruffling Deeks's hair, Tim said with all sincerity, "I'm so happy to see you, Marty."

"We both are," Charley added.

* * *

Dinner was a huge success. Deeks and Tim had the salmon, Kensi and Charley had the Dublin Broil ("Because no Buchanan serves or eats London Broil."). Deeks's injuries and rehab were lightly mentioned, lost in stories of telling Irish families - large and larger Irish families - that they were becoming parents, Tim's travels for his job and memories of two very broke law school students dumpster diving in recycling bins for coupons, discounts on people's receipts and bottles to return for money.

After dinner but before the desserts were served, Charley asked Kensi if she wanted a behind the scenes tour of the B&B and Kensi happily agreed, leaving the men behind.

"How are you doing, really, Marty?" Tim asked as Kensi and Charley disappeared from sight.

"I'm getting better. I was a bigger mess when we got here."

"OK, you're not a mess. I saw you just before Memorial Day. That was a mess."

"I have almost no memory of you being at the hospital."

"The nurse said you were on the 'good' painkillers. Seeing you that day, I never want to be on the 'good' painkillers."

"The sad thing is you don't know you're on the 'good' painkillers until you're off the 'good' painkillers."

"How long have you been off?"

"Except for a little codeine and Tylenol in June for some dental work, I've been off everything since I left the hospital. Alcoholic father and working narcotics left me with no interest in painkillers." They were quiet for a few minutes. "You still in touch with Mark Gold?"

"Talked to him a little while back. His way too hot for him wife, the former Lakers Girl, is bored and wants to open a B&B. I sort of talked her out of it. Why?"

"You think he'd take a call from me?"

"Of course he would. Who are you suing and how badly do they need to be pounded into the ground if you're talking to Gold?"

"LAPD."

"Uhm, Marty, as a rule, suing the people who pay you is a bad idea. Aren't they indemnified against what happened to you?"

"Not suing them because I got hurt. I knew the risks on day one."

"If they not paying your medical bills? I can float you whatever you need."

"No, I'm good there."

"OK, can I ask who you're suing?"

Deeks took a dollar out of his wallet and gave it to Tim. "This is your consulting fee. No talking to she who must be obeyed about this."

Tim smiled and shook his hand. "Always a pleasure doing business with you, Mr. Deeks."

"Well, I want to keep it Det. Deeks. I want my job back. LAPD may not give me my job back. I'll sue if that's what it takes but I want my job back."

"Gold's your man and I'll call him first thing Monday to get you in to see him."

"Let's see what LAPD does first."

"Start building a file Marty. Bring Gold in on all your meetings with the brass. You want someone to represent you in these situations. And Gold will scare the shit out of those guys."

"Timmy, those guys use to run into crack houses and chase gang members. Mark Gold will antagonize them, he won't scare the shit out of them."

"His presence is what will scare the shit out of them - a headline that includes hero cop thrown off force, punished for saving lives."

"A little hard to be an undercover cop with my name and face in the paper."

"Do you think they are going to push you out?"

"I need a plan when I go back."

"I got a better one for you."

"If it includes being a manny to Baby Brennan, I respectfully decline."

"Please, Charley's already interviewing nannies. I'm thinking we'll wind up with a retired Marine drill sergeant who thinks perfection is a starting point not the goal,"' Tim chuckled. "No, I spoke to Mal last month after I saw you in the hospital. Buchanan Ship Building needs a new security chief. Mal thought of you right away and after what happened..."

"Timmy, thanks for the offer but I'm not doing background checks on the new receptionist. I'm a cop"

"And a lawyer and as much as it kills me to say this, damn smart. There is a lot going on with Buchanan: terrorism concerns, industrial espionage, threat assessment. You wouldn't be checking out the receptionist."

"Who are you checking out?" Kensi asked with a smile as she returned.

Deeks looked at Charley in white and Kensi in black. "The two most beautiful women in the room."

"Nice save. See, damn smart. Think about it Marty. You can be based wherever you want, Buchanan builds in Los Angeles, Eureka, here, Coos Bay, Portland and Seattle. And the money doesn't suck."

Deeks looked at Kensi. "I'll think about it but I know what I want. Just took some time to be strong enough to fight for it."

* * *

The reception ended just after 12:30AM. Charley and Tim said their goodbyes - they were staying with her brother Patrick in town and spending Sunday morning with him before driving home. Charley and Kensi also made plans for a couples dinner at The Strand House in Los Angeles Labor Day weekend Sunday. Charley was planning as many weekend trips and meals out as possible before Baby Buchanan Brennan arrived.

Waving as Charley pulled out of the B&B parking lot, Deeks put his arm around Kensi's shoulder and lead them back to the guest house. "Thank you for being your usual awesome self tonight," he said as they got near the front door.

As he started fishing the keys out of his pocket, Kensi put her hand on his cheek and gently pulled him to her. "Thank you for all this," she told him before kissing him. "Tonight, the last few weeks, the last few years." This time the kiss was longer, deeper, more passionate.

Pulling away and now fumbling with the keys, Deeks tried to stay cool. Tried, and failed as he dropped the keys on the ground. Looking down at the keys, he chuckled. "Somehow, this was going to be so much more smooth and suave in my head."

"Forget being smooth or sauve. Be Deeks," she said as she kneeled down and picked up the keys. Standing and handing them to him, she kissed him. "That's all I want. You're all I want."

* * *

Deeks was cold when he woke up. Of course, he was cold because he was naked and Kensi was cocooned in the bed sheet and comforter. "Kens, quit bogarting the covers," he whispered in her ear as he yanked a little bit of the comforter his way. "Cold is not the naked man's friend."

"Huh?" was Kensi's well-reasoned reply.

"Covers, cold, share," he told her as he finally got enough of the covers to chase the morning chill from his skin.

A more alert Kensi moved toward Deeks. He rolled onto his back and looked at up her. She was lying on her side with her head propped up on her bent arm. He remembered their first full day here started this way. This was much better.

"So, what's the plan?" she asked.

"You do love those opened ending questions," he told her, playing with a strand of her hair.

"Among other things," she said, smiling at him.

He leaned up and kissed her. "The plan," he explained, "is to do that and do that often."

"Sounds good. Anything else."

"Serious?"

"You complain I usually am," she answered but not in a harsh way.

"Today, the rest of the trip or the rest of our lives."

Kensi's smile grew. "Totally up to you, counselor."

"Well, your honor, for today I was thinking of skipping the gym just this once since I got a little unexpected exercise overnight. I thought maybe we'd take a drive up to Coos Bay and actually see a little more of the Oregon coastline than just what's outside the guest house."

"Continue."

"For the rest of the trip, more of the same during the day, more of last night too."

"And when we leave?"

"I want this. I've wanted this for a long time but I was worried that I'd screw it up or you didn't want what I want."

"What do you want?"

"You. The happy ending. I don't know if I even have a job at this point but if I have you, I'll figure something out."

"You have me."

"Then I get the happy ending. And since I have you, I wouldn't mind having you in the shower," he half-smiled, half leered at her.

"I could be had in the shower," Kensi told him before running to the bathroom with both the comforter and sheet.

"Again, cold is not the naked man's friend," he hollered as he chased her.

* * *

Coos Bay was beautiful. They wound up just walking in a park with Monty, making a picnic lunch of some takeout Thai since breakfast was a Pop Tart each driving up the coastline. They walked along the beach for until about six. While not fully admitting he was tired, Deeks tossed the keys to the truck to Kensi. He had some chicken marinating in the fridge at home and figured if he was going to grill it without needing a nap, Kensi could drive and he'd watch the ocean go by.

Once back at the guest house, Kensi took a desperate to be relieved Monty for a walk while Deeks decided to fire up the barbeque. He was balancing the chicken, the marinade, some veggies and two ears of corn he wanted to grill while opening and closing the sliding door with his foot. He took about three steps on the deck with he heard the familiar sound of a gun magazine click into place.

"It took some time to find you, Detective. I had to leave in a hurry when the agents came to rescue you. We never had a chance to finish our conversation," Isaak Sidorov said as he stood on the deck, pointing a gun right at Deeks.

-30-

Yeah, I know. Mean cliffhanger.


	6. Taste Good

**6.** "They can kill us and they can eat us but that don't mean we have to taste good." - Peter Gent, "The Franchise"

* * *

"It took some time to find you, Detective. I had to leave in a hurry when the agents came to rescue you. We never had a chance to finish our conversation," Isaak Sidorov said as he pointed his gun at Deeks. He was leaning on the railing where Kensi sat and opened up to him about eighteen hours ago. Seemed obscene.

Deeks put his planned dinner down on the deck table. He was going out with some dignity this time. "You know, I realize you probably grew up in the Soviet Union in the 1970's where it was all communism all the time but seriously, this country has private property laws. You can't just invite yourself in. We don't do the whole collective thing, not that the KGB guys like you ever did."

"Is that what they taught you in your public schools?" he asked with a condescending grin.

"Among other things. I know I was taught manners. So you know, when you're here in America, you go to the front door and knock if you want to visit. You just can't bigfoot your way in because you're KGB or MVD or an SOB. Now if you want to go outside and knock, maybe call ahead, that's what we do here. I don't even have enough food for you so I wind up looking like a lousy host," Deeks said as he prayed Sidorov was alone.

"You were a surprise to me."

Batting his eyes, Deeks said, "Ah, Isaak, flattery will get you nowhere."

Sidorov chuckled and Deeks didn't find that comforting. "The drill certainly didn't."

"No it didn't." Deeks was surprised the comment about the drill didn't bother him. Adrenaline is a wonderful thing. "Let me guess, you want to know about Quinn. I'm sorry, Quiennn," Deeks offered his best-worst imitation of Sidorov.

"You're making fun of me?" Sidorov looked slightly amazed.

"You're easy to make fun of."

"You were crying and screaming like a little bitch the last time I saw you."

"You had one of your minions drill holes into my mouth. Too damn lazy to even torture your prisoners yourself. No wonder you guys lost the Cold War."

"You wouldn't have lasted five minutes in Russia."

"I don't know about that. Guys like you always like to look at Americans as soft but we manage to hold up. I survived what you did to me but you, you my friend are a different story. Yeah, drill my teeth into oblivion and I'll scream and cry like a bitch as you so artfully put it. But look at you. You are whipped, my brother. You fool yourself into thinking you're this important Russian arms dealer, killer, badass. But you've got a woman leading you around by your dick. A woman who was sleeping with an undercover fed, a woman that's in protective custody with that fed, probably still sleeping with him. And you're here to threaten me and demand I tell you about Quieenn while she's getting all her special needs met. What a joke. You think she even remembers you?"

Sidorov lifted his gun higher. "So you know where she is."

"Of course I do. It's what's keeping me alive, isn't it. The odd chance that I know - and I do - and I'm your last lead," he taunted, hoping like hell Kensi would hear him talking, stalling, and come out with her gun. "How pathetic are you? That's not a rhetorical question. I want a real answer."

"Pathetic enough that I was able to find you."

"But you can't find her. Very telling," Deeks noted. "You'll have to mention who told you I was here. Need to send them a thank you note reflecting the joy your visit is bringing me."

"You'll tell me where she is."

"After you tell me you shared this place with you."

Sidorov looked at his weapon, then at Deeks. "You're not in a position to negotiate."

"You can put the gun away. You're not shooting me. I know where Quiennn is. What's it worth to you?"

"What's your kneecap worth to you? Where is she?!" Sidorov yelled.

Deeks said nothing and said nothing for a while.

"Where is she!?"

"Tell me who told you I was staying here. You tell me, I'll tell you. Quid pro quo. Or Quinn pro quo, in your case." He was oddly proud of that last line.

"Hey, Deeks stop looking at the sunset. Thought you were going to start the barbeque." Kensi was carrying plates, glasses, utensils and also opening the door with her foot. Monty was right behind her.

Shit, Deeks thought as Sidorov's smile grew. He'd hope she would have seen Sidorov before he saw her. "Hey babe, we have company. You remember Isaak, don't you?" Deeks's voice dripped with false hospitality.

As always, Kensi was remarkable. She put what she was carrying on the table. "Let me guess, he's looking for Quieennn," Kensi imitated Deeks imitating Sidorov.

"So are you an agent or a detective?" Sidorov now had his gun pointed right at Kensi. "You seemed a bit too preoccupied to be a model."

"That's another question, Izzy. We'll need something for that answer, too. So I'm going to have to know who told you I was here before we even consider swapping secrets," Deeks said as he tried to position himself between Sidorov and Kensi. She was having none of it.

"Tell me where Quinn is or I start shooting. And I'll shoot the girl first."

Deeks heard Monty start to growl. In a stage whisper to Kensi, Deeks said, "Can you believe the leash Quinn has on this stupid son of a bitch? If he didn't have one of his minions work me over, I'd actually feel sorry for the poor bastard."

Kensi wrapped herself around him. "Women can tell a real man from someone making up for his inadequacies by playing with big weapons." Kensi eyed Sidorov head to toe. "He may be carrying a .45 but I guess he's packing a .22."

Deeks knew long before they arrived at the guest house that he loved her but at that moment he realized she was a goddess. He tapped her once on her right thigh, their old signal for get ready. "Who told you I was here?"

"No!" Sidorov yelled, getting Monty to start barking. "Tell me where Quinn is now or I'll shoot the girl and pull out all your new dental work."

Deeks tapped Kensi again on the thigh before yelling "Monty, Elmo!" and charging Sidorov. The two fell to the deck in a heap. Deeks tried to slam Sidorov's right hand into the deck to loosen his grip on the gun.

Monty went straight for Sidorov's leg, biting his inner right thigh and causing the Russian to howl. Kensi stomped twice on Sidorov's right wrist before it made a sickening sound. As the gun came free, she kicked it away from the two men.

"Sidorov, stop it," Kensi ordered as she picked up the gun. When he didn't stop struggling with Deeks, Kensi kicked his wrist. With another howl, Sidorov stopped moving.

"I'll kill you both," Sidorov told them as Deeks pulled himself up and dragged Monty away by the collar.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Deeks said as he pushed Monty back into the guest house. The dog kept barking as Deeks pulled one of the Adirondack chairs back over to their prisoner. "Get in the chair, Izzy," he ordered, pointing to the chair. "And if there's any nonsense, she's a sniper by training." Not quite the truth but close enough.

"What do we do?" Kensi asked.

"I'll babysit our uninvited guest; can you go into the truck? The back seat behind the driver pulls down. There should a laptop bag there. Can you get it?"

"You going to be OK?"

"Sure," he lied. The fight left him sore. "Izzy and I are going to relive old times. Fun by the pool in LA. Rough housing here on the deck. Visiting East L.A. and propping up a man when he's down in the mouth. We have plenty to discuss, don't we," Deeks forced some cheerfulness into his voice as he glared at Sidorov.

Handing him the gun, she kissed him on the cheek. "Don't do anything stupid."

"Me, never."

Turning to Sidorov, Kensi warned, "Don't move. He might not kill you for what you did but I want to," she warned before jogging to the sliding door.

"The woman is tougher than you."

"Yes sir."

"I can make you a wealthy man."

"Now, see, before when you had the gun, it was all about what you wanted. Now you're worried about my needs. Didn't seem to have the same concerns when I was crying like a bitch."

"I did misjudge you."

"Most people do," Deeks said without humor.

Kensi jogged back onto the deck with the back pack, her rifle strapped on her back and her Sig in her right hand. "What's the plan?" she asked as she handed Deeks the bag. She took over holding Sidorov in place with her gun.

Deeks ejected the magazine from the gun, putting it in his left pocket and the gun in the right pocket of his board shorts. "We're going to secure Mr. Sidorov here," Deeks told her as he opened the bag. Matthew's 'bag of tricks" didn't disappoint. A package of plastic cuffs, rubber gloves, a stun gun - God bless you Matthew - and a five-inch folding knife.

After he handed a smiling Kensi the knife, Deeks ordered Sidorov to put his hands flat on the chair's arms.

"And if I don't."

Deeks fired up the stun gun. "After what you did it me, do you really want me coming at you with this?"

Sidorov put his healthy left hand on the chair's arm and made a production of placing his obviously broken right wrist on the other. Deeks fastened the left arm down at the wrist and near the elbow as Kensi moved to standing six feet in front of the Russian. She flipped on the laser scope, pointing the red dot directly at his heart.

After Deeks anchored down Sidorov's left elbow, he wrapped the second plastic cuff half way down his forearm, avoiding the broken wrist. "Just a reminder that I'm better man than you."

"Not better, just weaker."

"Kick me and she'll hurt you," Deeks warned, handing Kensi the stun gun. He made quick work of cuffing Sidorov's ankles and calves to the chair legs.

"We good?" Deeks asked Kensi.

"Never better," was her reply.

"I'm going to put the chicken back in the fridge. We still have work to do," Deeks told her. It was his turn to jog into the house. He returned with two bottles of water, his phone, an agitated Monty on a leash and his "Life's a Beach" hat. Tying the leash to the table leg, Monty growled at Sidorov.

"Elmo?" Kensi asked, holding her gun by her side.

Monty started barking immediately. "Monty was trained by a guy who used Tickle Me E-L-M-O-S as a training tool. He's also terrified of a Roomba."

Kensi smiled. "Now what?"

"Trust me?"

"In all things."

"Good answer," he said, smiling. Kissing her, he handed her bottled water. Turning to Sidorov, he said "smile shithead" and took a photo of the prisoner with his phone. Sticking the Life's a Beach hat on Sidorov's head, Deeks then took a selfie with a very visible Sidorov behind him.

"What are you doing?"

"Good guys variation of proof of life." Deeks had a plan. Now he just needed to execute it right. "What's the time difference between here and Tuscany?"

"Nine hours I think. Hetty?"

"Nobody at NCIS knows where I am besides you. He got our location from..."

"..LAPD."

"Hetty first," Deeks hit the speed dial number he was so happy he loaded before they left. "She'll probably be thrilled I'm getting her out of bed at 4:15 in the morning."

"She's going to be thrilled," Kensi kissed him on the cheek before he walked a few steps away from Sidorov.

"Lange," Hetty answered.

"Hi Hetty, it's Marty Deeks, I'm so sorry to be calling you so early in the morning."

"Mr. Deeks, I'm always happy to hear from you no matter the time of day. And since I'm enjoying some scotch and some wonderful company in Montauk, it's 10:15 in the evening here. I would imagine this isn't a social call so what can I do for you?"

"Something's come up and I need your help."

"We've done this before, Mr. Deeks."

"Yeah, we have. There's even a guy with an accent involved again. I'm sending you a picture." Deeks thought about sending the photo of Sidorov alone but realized the selfie was, well, more him. He hit send and waited. The gasp on Hetty's end meant it arrived.

"Mr. Deeks, is that Isaak Sidorov?"

"In the flesh."

"Mr. Deeks, where are you?"

"The middle of nowhere, Oregon. A very nice middle of nowhere but not near anything big."

"Is Sidorov secure?"

"Tied to a chair with plastic handcuffs."

"Are you safe?"

"I think he's alone so everything's good."

"Is your new phone number 310-555-1761?"

"Yes."

"I will call you back in about five minutes with a number of people who can help."

"Hetty, make sure Roger Bates is on that call."

"Do you think that's wise?"

"I think it's the only way I keep my job. But Hetty, only Bates and maybe Warner. I think Sidorov got my location from LAPD."

"I'll get right back to you," Hetty said and quickly disconnected the line.

"She's calling me back." Deeks said as he rejoined Kensi. Looking down at the ground he asked, "Do you want to be here for this?"

"Excuse me?"

"Everyone's going to know you were here with me. Is that okay with you?"

"Why wouldn't it be?" Kensi looked at him.

"People are going to make assumptions."

"Not incorrect ones. Let 'em," she answered defiantly.

"We never talked about how public this, us, we're going to be."

"Half of them think we've been sleeping together for years. If they ask, I'll answer. Make them ask. Unless you want to do something different."

"I'm cool with a don't ask, don't tell policy in this case," Deeks answered.

"Look at you two. When I find you, again, I'll skin her alive in front of you before I start working on you. And I'll do it myself this time. I'll cut your eyes out first, then your tongue," Sidorov growled at Deeks.

"Hey man, I saw 'Princess Bride' too. You're going to cut off everything but my ears so I can hear the screams of those who are horrified by me. Weak, man. Weak. And lazy. Again," Deeks replied dismissively.

"I'll be right back," Kensi said and she made her way back into the house.

Deeks sat up on the deck railing across from Sidorov and smiled at the man. "So, what's Russia like this time of year? I'm thinking of going one these days. I saw a documentary on the Travel Channel about surfing in Kamchatka. It think that's how you say it. There was snow on the beach but the waves were awesome."

"When I'm done with you, you're going to wish I killed you in Los Angeles."

"Nah, I've had fun on my vacation. Then we caught you. Really, after the really bad thing last May and a shit load of dental work. I'm good and watching your ass being flown to Gitmo or some other place where they're probably pissy about you…awesome, awesome way to end my vacation."

Kensi returned without her rifle but with something he couldn't quite figure out in her right hand and her gun in her left. Walking up to Sidorov, she had a piece of duct tape in her right hand which she slapped across his mouth. "I've heard about enough from you."

Deeks lifted an eyebrow at Sidorov. "Not so fun when someone controls your mouth, huh?"

"Now what?" Kensi asked.

"Another one of your open ended questions," Deeks smiled at her. "Tell Hetty and company he's here. See how fast they can get this shit off the deck." Deeks pointed at Sidorov.

"You should run all that."

"Me? Sidorov isn't an LAPD investigation. Hell, I have no jurisdiction up here anyway."

"He's an LAPD investigation because he tortured and assaulted an LAPD detective. He's your capture. He's also your ticket back in to LAPD. You're hardly disabled if you're running this."

Deeks looked at Kensi and smiled just as his phone rang.

"Put it on speaker," Kensi told him, "I want to hear."

"Deeks," he answered.

"Detective," Hetty started, "you're on the phone with Lt. Bates, Deputy Chief Warner of the LAPD, Director Vance, Mr. Callen, Miss Jones of NCIS and Secretary of Navy Clayton Jarvis."

"Sorry to ruin everyone's Sunday night."

"Detective, it's Nell. I'm tracking your phone location right now. I have you about a two miles north of the city of Tututni Beach in Oregon. You're in a small guest house near a bed and breakfast just off the water."

"Yes."

"Callen, I'm sending you and the team the location now."

"Team?" Deeks asked.

"Mr. Callen had a lead on Janvier and we had a team on standby," Hetty explained.

"How long is it going to take you to get here?"

"Mr. Callen was at San Francisco International waiting for plane to Hawaii."

"The team is in Hawaii?"

"No, they're with Mr. Callen in San Francisco. There are helicopters coming from Bridgeport to rendezvous with the team. We have an ETA of 20:45 your time."

"Deeks, are you hurt?" Bates asked.

"No sir, I'm fine. Couldn't be better actually." Deeks smiled at Kensi.

"Can you tell us what happened, Detective?" Director Vance asked.

"Sidorov was standing on the deck when I went to barbeque some chicken for dinner," Deeks started to explain as Kensi shook her head and waved her hand. After she mouthed "not here," he continued, "I explained that it was rude to break into someone's place uninvited and especially rude after you caused about a hundred thousand in dental bills for your unsuspecting host."

"Deeks," Bates warned.

"Anyway, Isaak's more of a lover than a fighter. He wanted to know where Quinn was, I wanted him in custody. Winner, winner but no chicken dinner."

Kensi smiled. Deeks hoped Hetty, Nell and Bates were smiling too. He really wasn't worried about his entertainment value for the rest.

"Who knew you were in, I'm sorry, I didn't catch the name?" asked Deputy Chief Warner.

Deeks sighed, this wasn't going to win him any friends at LAPD. "Tututni Beach. Sir, I didn't tell too many people where I was going. Lt. Bates, Jackie Thompson and Mike Regan were the only ones who officially knew."

"Who are these people?" Jarvis demanded.

"Jackie Thompson has been my administrative assistant since Deeks was in college. I trust her with not only my life but with the lives of my detectives. She's beyond reproach," Bates told the group. "I have IA looking into Regan. He's HR and if he's selling access, we have a big problem."

"Detective, you didn't tell anyone else?"

"Nobody knows I'm here. Rode up in a borrowed vehicle, didn't use GPS. I was sold out."

"Do you know if Sidorov was alone?" Callen asked as it sounded like he was running.

"Nobody's come to his rescue," Deeks told him.

"Deeks, we're on our way up, can you keep your cell phone on?" Callen said as the helicopter noise made him hard to hear.

"All charged up, we're good. But Callen, this is a small town. Nice people. I've ruined things enough bringing Sidorov into their town, you need to come in quietly."

There was no answer from Callen.

"We've lost him Detective," Nell said.

"If we can get him back, I'd like him to come in sane and normal."

"Detective, you sit tight. Help's coming," Jarvis advised, "We've got this covered. Director, Ms. Lange, we'll speak once Sidorov is in custody. And we're done here."

Deeks looked at Kensi as the line went dead. "I think the Secretary of Navy just cost NCIS a liaison officer. Help's coming? We got this covered? When did Jarvis become part of we?"

"Deeks…" Kensi's answer was cut off by his phone ringing.

"Bates," Deeks told her. "Good evening Lieutenant," this time, Deeks wasn't on the speaker.

"What the hell was that?"

"I believe that was the Secretary of the Navy acting like an asshole."

"Detective," Warner chimed in, "do not allow NCIS to big foot this."

"Sir, Sidorov is going down a deep hole. He was trying to sell nuclear weapons, set one off. Murdered people in several locations including a CIA agent, or officer, whatever the hell he was. We're never getting him on assault charges."

"I don't expect we will Deeks but I expect everyone to know LAPD is responsible for this."

"Does this mean I still have a job?"

"We'll discuss it when you return. We'll also revisit the liaison program. I think maybe the Secretary of the Navy needs to remember to municipal law enforcement is the first line of defense against terror. That son of a bitch," Warner's disgust bled through the phone.

"Kid, I'll be up tomorrow to talk. Text me your address."

"Will do."

"And good work," Bates said before disconnecting.

"Well?"

"I may have a job just because Jarvis pissed off the Deputy Chief."

"Works for me."

Deeks looked at Sidorov. "Three hours ago, he was the most wanted man in America. Now look at him."

"You're not feeling any sympathy toward him, are you?"

"I'm feeling a lot of things, Kens. Sympathy isn't one of them. Rage, disgust, triumph, exhaustion, not sympathy. No, it is just more about how things change."

She smiled at him. "Change is good."

"It is. But…two and a half months ago I was trussed up like that in a dark, awful room at that son of a bitch's mercy. Now, I'm with you and things are looking up."

"Cause and effect?"

"Maybe," he told her, knowing it was actually true. "Well, since we're not having a barbeque, how's about I make us sandwiches."

"I'll do it, grilled cheese?"

"Wow, Kensi Blye's made me two meals in two days."

"You're the luckiest man in the world."

He wrapped his arm around her waist as she tried to pass. "Yes, I am," he said sincerely.

* * *

Deeks heard helicopters just after 8:30PM. Dinner was done, dishes in the dishwasher, an exhausted Monty inside the house and a blanket put around Sidorov so he couldn't bitch that he was cold outside the house. They also had every light on the property on so they could be easily found. The helicopters, though, seemed overkill. Deeks didn't know what they were sending but he didn't expect the helicopter scene from "Apocalypse Now" unfolding in front of him. Hell, all that was missing was "The Ride Of The Valkyries" playing in the background.

Deeks pulled up two Adirondack chairs near Sidorov as two helicopters landed on the beach. So much for coming in quiet. His first call would be to Sheriff Tate.

As the team got near the deck, Deeks called "We're here, come on up." Deeks sat and waited. Kensi decided to sit on the arm of his chair. Not the reaction or location he expected but both made him happy.

Callen was the first one up the deck steps followed by three tact team members and Paris Summerskill. All wore black, serious body armor and had M16 rifles. Deeks felt wildly underdressed. He also noticed Callen's visible reaction to seeing Kensi by his side.

"LAPD," Callen told the team members, pointing to Deeks. "NCIS," he said pointing to Kensi.

"Deeks," he pointed to himself, "Agent Blye."

Callen looked at Sidorov. "We've been looking for you. Nice hat."

"All the cool kids are coming to Oregon. Life's a beach up here," Deeks said as he stood. "You and Paris should visit someday soon." He slowly removed Sidorov's gun and magazine clip from his board shorts. "He had this when he arrived. I didn't pat him down before putting him in the chair. Immobilizing him was my priority."

"You two did good," Callen told them as he took the weapon.

Deeks noticed there was a camera on one of the tact team member's helmets. He was going to get that video for Bates, no matter how things wound up.

The team quickly cut Sidorov loose. Before putting him in waist and leg irons, a pat down discovered Sidorov had a pair of snub-nosed pliers. "Why'd he carry these?" Paris asked as handed Callen the tool.

"Probably to rip out my new teeth," Deeks answered for Callen.

"Oh my God," Kensi gasped.

"Good thing you were here, Kens," Callen said before an "all-clear around the parameter" came across the team's comm links.

"We've got a car with the local LEO in it. What should we do?"

"I'll deal with them," Deeks said as he watched Sidorov shuffle to the stairs on the side of the Deeks. "Just hold up a sec," Deeks called to the tact team. When they stopped, Deeks crossed over to Sidorov and whispered in the prisoner's ear. "When you're in some super max prison, Gitmo or some rat hole of a gulag, locked away until you die, remember me. I was the weak one. I was the screaming and crying bitch. And I'm the one who will be surfing, eating food when I want where I want and you, you'll be lucky to see an hour of sunshine a day. It sucks being the weak one. Sucks more being the one who got his ass put away by the weak one." Deeks gave him a hardy pat on the back. "Thanks for taking out the trash, gentlemen," Deeks told the tact team members as the pulled Sidorov away.

"I don't know if you should talk to the locals, Deeks," Callen said. "This is way above what they deal with."

"Their nice quiet town was just invaded by what, a dozen military tactical officers."

"Sixteen, not include Paris and me."

"Great. So this town that has a population around two hundred saw a team four times the size of their local police force invade the guest house of one of their biggest attractions and a guest house owned by the richest man in not only this town but likely from here to Portland. Oh yeah, he sells ships to the Navy and is probably on a first name basis with the Secretary of the Navy."

"Who was unbelievably rude to Deeks," Kensi added.

"I'm talking to them," Deeks told Callen. "Tell the perimeter guys not to shoot me."

"It's not a good idea."

"So few of mine are," Deeks said as he started to walk away.

"Deeks," Callen called to stop him. "What are you going to tell them?"

"The few people here who know my background think I was beat up by a drug dealer. Just run with that story."

"The tact team is likely staying in place through tomorrow to see if Sidorov had help."

No, Deeks thought to himself, they're staying to see if Janvier shows up too. "Just upped my bad guy to a narco-terrorist, if that's okay with you."

"Agent Callen, are you returning to with us to Lemoore?" a voice asked over the comms.

"I'll be right there," Callen replied. "I don't like it but do what you have to."

"I usually do," Deeks said as he walked away.

"Kens, you work with Agent Summerskill. Vacation's over."

"It was about two hours ago," Deeks heard Kensi snark as he walked through the house.

One of the tact team members had an NCIS windbreaker, which allowed Deeks to walk to where a growing crowd of people were being held behind a barrier. Deeks saw Sheriff Tate and Frank from the B&B standing front and center. "They're with me," Deeks said to the tact team officer standing guard. He pointed to the two local men.

"What the hell happened here?" Tate demanded when he was on the other side of the barrier.

"Someone from L.A. came looking for me."

"Not that I don't think you're some big shot down there but this is overkill," Tate told Deeks.

No, it's not, Deeks thought to himself. "Can you get us into the B&B?" Deeks asked.

"That's a question?" Frank asked.

"More being polite asking than ordering."

"Yes I can and thank you for asking." The three men started walking across the main lawn to the B&B. "Do you have a list of every residence in the area. Phone numbers, contacts?" Deeks asked.

"Sure, in my office."

"Yeah, well, I have a feeling if you leave here, you're not getting back in" Pulling out his phone, he called Nell.

"I am so proud of you."

"Be proud when I see you. Can you get me a list of every resident in the Tututni Beach area? I'm with the Sheriff and we want to make sure Sidorov didn't hurt anyone before getting to me."

"Oh, good idea," Deeks heard Nell working the keyboard. "I have 153 residences and phone numbers. I'm sending it to your phone now."

"Thank you."

"Can you tell Kensi to call me when she gets the chance? We have a lot to talk about."

"I will," Deeks smiled and decided that two can play at that game. "Say hi to Eric when you see him," Deeks told her as his farewell.

"Whatcha got?" Frank asked.

"I've got a list of 153 residences we should start calling."

"You two have just been deputized," Tate announced.

"Again?" Frank complained.

"He's done this to you before?"

"Since we were kids. We're both Franks so in a small town when one of us was doing something, half the people thought it was me, half the people thought it was him," the Sheriff told Deeks. "Now we just do everything together, it's easier. Especially since he married my sister."

"Well Franks, if you can find some paper and some a couple of phones, I'll start downloading the numbers from my phone." It was going to be a long night.

-30-


	7. We Find In The Sea

**7.** "For whatever we lose(like a you or a me)  
it's always ourselves we find in the sea."

- ee cummings, "maggie and milly and molly and may"

* * *

July 29, 2013

"Deeks, wake up," Kensi shook his arm. He didn't remember falling asleep. He worked with the two Franks until nearly three in the morning. He hadn't been up, knowingly up, that late since the Monday before, well, the Monday before. That night, he went with a gang cop buddy to Mom's Bar for the Grizzlies-OKC game, some pool and wound leaving at closing time.

Kensi was waiting for him when he returned to the guest house. The Buchanans were allowing the B&B to be used as a command center. That was a God-awful call to make, he told Kensi while taking a shower, this time alone. It started raining as he ran from the cordoned off entrance to the guest house and he was soaked. He told her saying the equivalent of "Hey Charley, hey Timmy, thanks ever so much for the use of your beautiful place. A Russian terrorist followed me up here and now your sleepy fishing village has been run over by the Feds" was not the highlight of his time in Oregon. They were understanding but how understand can you be when he spoiled something so beautiful.

He slept for a few hours but was up by six. He grabbed a Pop Tart and figured he'd wait until Kensi woke up and make them a real breakfast. That was nearly seven hours ago if his watch was right. "Why didn't you wake me? You hungry?"

"I just woke you. And Hetty's here, she brought lunch."

"Here, here?"

"Yes, Mr. Deeks. Here, here," Hetty said as she walked into his line of sight. "I must say this is a remarkable location. In the future, I may ask you for a list of other out of the way vacation spots you know."

Kensi handed Deeks a bottle of water as he stood up. "You two need to talk. I'm going to take Monty for a walk on the beach and then I'm going up to the Farraige, see what's going on and help if I can. Call when you're done." She showed him her cellphone before calling for Monty. The dog happily followed Kensi back into the house.

"Welcome to Tututni Beach, population just over 200 and I spoke to a bunch of 'em yesterday."

"Come, sit. We have much to discuss," Hetty said as she walked to the deck's table. There, she had a Mediterranean tuna fish wrap from Mort's.

"I can make you something to eat if you..."

"Miss Blye and I had a nice lunch ourselves while we let you rest. She told me you and the local law enforcement officials spent the night contacting the residents of this lovely town and when a few didn't answer or seemed nervous on the phone, you three visited to make sure they were safe."

"Seemed the least I could do. Sidorov wouldn't have been here if it wasn't for me," Deeks said as they walked to the table.

"Miss Blye said you had a theory about where he stayed."

"There was a town festival a few days ago. The B&B's handyman, Frank Moore, picked up some extra garbage on the beach Saturday morning. We were going to check out and see if Sidorov had a car or tent, something there, but it started to pour. Did someone check?"

"The NCIS Red team worked with Sheriff Tate and Mr. Moore and found a late model Ford E-Series Wagon parked in a wooded area not far from the beach. It's being dusted for fingerprints and checked for DNA. It was stolen from a San Francisco wine storage facility."

"And with the festival last week, it would fit right in. Did Sidorov store wine in that facility?" Deeks asked.

"He did."

"My God. These are nice people here. They've been so good to me and I brought that monster here. What have I done?" Deeks put his head in his hands.

"You, Mr. Deeks, along with Miss Blye captured a terrorist. None of this is your fault. There are a number of topics we need to discuss. Please, don't blame yourself, we have much work to do before Lt. Bates arrives."

"He mentioned he was coming up."

"His plane lands in North Bend just after two. He should be here about an hour later."

Deeks lifted an eyebrow. "You were on Long Island last night, now you're here. Bates lives in Encino and he'll be here in a while. I won't even ask." Deeks shook he head and laughed. "What do you need to know, Hetty? I found a computer at the B&B and filed a report outlining what happened while we were making calls last night."

"That's another topic we need to discuss but first, how are you feeling, Mr. Deeks? You look far more like the man I first spoke to in that interesting little downtown dive where I recruited you."

"I thought I was more drafted than recruited. But that guy was in better shape, even after six months of MMA pounding. I am feeling better though. I've been working out..."

"Quite diligently according to Miss Blye."

"Not the last couple of days. I think Friday was the last day I hit the gym or was in the water."

"Well, the gym is closed today as are most of the businesses in town. At three, several law enforcement officials along with Aileen and Mal Buchanan are doing a town hall meeting via-conference call with the Tututni Beach residents."

"I need to call and apologize to the Buchanans, too."

"Oh, Mr. Deeks, they want to speak to you. There was a $10 million reward for the capture of Isaak Sidorov and the FBI and DoD believe the Buchanans should be the recipient of that reward."

"They're giving the Buchanans $10 million?"

"Yes. It is your new cover story. Your faux narco-terrorist is now one of the FBI's and DEA's most wanted. While you rehabbed and recovered here, the narco-terrorist tracked you down. There was a confrontation and your training and improved health, along with Agent Blye - who is being identified as a federal agent to the locals and not just your friend - gave you the advantage. The narco-terrorist was removed from the beach last night."

"You forgot to mention Monty. He was a big help," Deeks said as he unwrapped his wrap and ate the tuna with a fork. "Score one for the good guys. And Monty."

"To make this a win-win for everyone, Mal Buchanan is turning the $10 million over to the town of Tututni Beach."

"He's what?"

"He didn't want to accept the reward at all. He believed and still does in doing what's necessary to protect this country. Tututni Beach wants to improve the local firehouse, buy a new fire truck and upgrade the police station. The reward money should cover all that and then some."

"Cool."

"They're having the town meeting in the gym. The Buchanans and the head of the DEA, who owes Director Vance a favor, will be selling the drug story. Mrs. Buchanan thinks as soon as the reward money is mentioned, most of the locals will be on board and happy to keep this weekend's excitement quiet. Miss Blye will be given all the background data you two will need for the rest of your time here in case anyone asks questions."

"What about Charley and Tim? Do they know who was really here?"

"Both Mr. Buchanan and Mrs. Brennan have contacts in the DoD and know you weren't the victim of an undercover drug bust gone wrong in May."

"How much do they know?"

"Mal Buchanan knew the whole story all along. He and Clay Jarvis are close. When Mr. Brennan said you were injured, he wanted to know more and Mr. Buchannan started nosing around. Mrs. Brennan learned it was a national security issue and you weren't beaten, you were tortured."

"She didn't...they didn't," Deeks was stunned that Charley and Timmy kept up the charade. "They still allowed me to come here?"

"According to both Lt. Bates and Mrs. Brennan, it was Mr. Brennan's idea. When Mrs. Brennan found Lt. Bates, she said she knew you were injured and would require a long time for recovery. Mr. Brennan thought you'd be safer here than in LA after your dental surgery was done. He also thought you'd find this to be a better place to heal."

"Timmy? Wow." Deeks was shocked. "But Sidorov found me here."

"Alone. In Los Angeles, sooner or later he would have been able to get the financial wherewithal to put together a team to make a run at you and try to find Michelle Hanna."

"Which is why Bates put me in Matthew's apartment and kept everyone away."

"He was the only person besides the owner of the apartment who knew where you were."

"And the dentist."

"Who, according to Bates, was checked 'one hundred ways to Sunday.' She was with the Navy, working in Bethesda on returning soldiers before her mother fell ill here in Los Angeles. She knew how to deal with trauma victims and how to keep things quiet. You obviously didn't read your medical records."

"I lived them. I didn't need to read them."

"They were for an Andrew Martin."

Deeks sat there amazed.

Hetty continued. "And being here gave you the opportunity to recover. You do look more yourself. From what Miss Blye told me, you seem to be more yourself."

"Seem?"

"You put on a very entertaining show for the world Mr. Deeks."

Deeks smiled. "You think I'm entertaining?"

"I do. I also think you are kind, smart, strong, brave, determined and lethal when need be. But the face you show the world masks many of those qualities. Quite intentionally. It is what makes you an excellent undercover operative. It also makes you difficult to properly know you."

"You know me Hetty. Everyone at work does."

"We know you as much as you allow us to know you. And that's true of all the members of this team. It is why you are all so good at what you do. But you use your humor to keep people at an arm's length. They can't hurt you or disappoint you and you can't unintentionally do the same."

Deeks looked down. "I think you've been spending too much time with Nate."

"LAPD, NCIS everyone wanted to help you Mr. Deeks and you..."

"...And they did. I needed to get myself back into some sort of shape. I've been on my own for a long time. I'm not use to a support system and I don't know what I'd do with one anyway. I had to get back to being me. I needed to start working out and swimming again. I needed to get my mind right so I can myself in a position to return to work. I needed to come someplace like here," Deeks said as he pointed to the beach. "This is where I can heal."

"Have you?"

"Healed?"

"Yes. Did you find what you were looking for in the water? On the shore?"

"Yes. A lot of it. I'm getting stronger. I'm getting healthier. Kensi being here was a tremendous help."

"How long has Miss Blye been here?" Hetty asked with a smile.

Since he was going with the don't ask, don't tell policy and planned on telling the truth, this was the place to start. "I invited her up on the Friday I last saw you all."

"I was surprised when Miss Blye called me that night to tell me she was not going on her climb and would be camping in Oregon instead. This isn't quite roughing it but I can see the appeal."

"I didn't know she canceled her climb."

"Maybe she's the beginning of a support system for you," Hetty told him. "She certainly seemed to be happier than I've seen her in a long time."

"We were in a rough place when, I need to have a better phrase than 'when the bad thing happened.'"

"You were tortured Mr. Deeks."

"Yeah, I was," Deeks said quietly.

"And you survived. Looking at you now, you are on the way back to the man I saw thrive in difficult situations."

"I did okay last night."

"According to Miss Blye, you did more than just okay. She said she saw her partner for the first time since May."

"I still have a way to go. You got to see one of my unintentional naps."

"I saw a tired police officer who captured a terrorist after a struggle and then worked through the night to ensure the safety of the civilians in the area."

Deeks finished the last of his tuna. "Where is Sidorov?"

"A secure location. Mr. Callen is part of the interrogation team. Mr. Hanna is expected to arrive within a day."

"Sam knows Sidorov is in custody."

"He does. He wants to speak to you after the interrogation."

"I'll talk to him when I get back to L.A.," Deeks told her.

"He's very upset."

"He usually is when it comes to me."

"Excuse me, Mr. Deeks?"

"It's my fault we got captured, my fault he was tortured. He's probably been working on a list of things I should have done or did wrong so we weren't in a position to be tortured. Remind me how a real man doesn't scream and cry like a little bitch - Sidorov's exact words to me yesterday - because it emboldens the people torturing..."

"Is that what you think he's going to say?"

"Sam doesn't have much use for me. He didn't want to work with me on this and that's fine, he and Callen are tight, I'd rather work with Kensi, I get it. But he made it clear he didn't think much of my character."

"Go on."

"And since we were all on comms, Michelle, Eric, Nell and anyone else listening heard. It's hard to sell the idea that I have everyone's back, that I'm part of the team when Sam thinks I'm a problem."

"I heard what Mr. Hanna said."

Deeks rubbed his eyes. "Great."

"I told Mr. Hanna he was out of line but he already knew that. I've chosen every member of this team for the qualities and skill sets they bring. Mr. Hanna's opinions are his own. But they are only his opinion and they were wrong. As I reminded him when we spoke, his professional life is the Navy, the SEALs, the DoD and NCIS. His whole career was training for his time with Sidorov. And he succeeded. Your adult life has been college and law school with multiple part-time jobs to keep you enrolled. You became a lawyer, a police officer, a detective and now our liaison officer. You had no training for what was done for to you and you matched Sam's mettle throughout. I never had a question about your character, Mr. Deeks. Mr. Hanna does not either and plans to make that known when you rejoin us. That is if you want to return to your position."

"May not be my call," Deeks told her.

"Ah, disability retirement."

"You know about that?"

"As I was waiting for a helicopter from Lakehurst to take me from Montauk to DC, I had a long talk with Roger Bates. Why didn't you tell me when you dropped off your medical records?"

Deeks sighed. "Do you know who gets medically retired from the Department?"

"Officers who have been so badly wounded they can no longer perform the duties."

"My mouth is mostly fine. I'm probably a month away from being to my old weight and my strength levels. So Bates was able to convince the pension board, who don't hand out disability retirements easily, that I'm still so badly wounded I can't do my job. Everyone knows what that means. They're afraid I'm going to kill someone or get myself killed. So I'm sorry I didn't tell you because honestly, I didn't want to tell anyone. Only said the words for the first time a couple of days ago."

"Because if you don't say it, it can't be true."

"Maybe I am crazy."

"No, you are not. And Roger Bates will be happy to discuss your future when he arrives. I spent a good amount of the time on the drive down here from the North Bend airport talking to Deputy Chief Warner, Chief Pope and Lt. Bates. I think the Department is going to have a hard time selling you as being unable to work when you were vital the capture of the most wanted man in America."

* * *

Hetty left when Bates called from the rental car looking for directions from the North Bend airport since "wherever the hell you're staying isn't on the GPS." That was sort of the point, Deeks thought. Alone, he called Charley, who said Tim was on his way down to see the property and speak with the local and federal officials.

As Deeks tried to apologize, Charley was having none of it. "I was so amazed to see you healthy. We know what happened. We know what they did to you. We wanted to help."

"You did. This place was good for me."

"Tim jokes that he's grateful Aiden is acting because he has the second most useless career choice of his brothers."

"Timmy is a lawyer and so are a couple of the other Brennan boys. What is he talking about?"

"Tim is a lawyer for a resort company my mother started because she was bored when I left for high school. Everyone else has a career, Tim thinks, for the greater good. A calling. Firemen, a Teacher, an assistant D.A., even Jim has gotten his fancy law firm to up their pro bono work. He feels he's sort of on the wrong side of being a good member of society."

"You guys do so much charity work, he's crazy."

"I tell him that. Not everyone is here to run into burning buildings and I think he mostly gets that. But then he sees you and knows you could have done anything with your degrees. You're not looking at resort properties in the South Pacific for rehabilitation. You're not sitting in Cupertino doing patents. You're not in DC working the system. Of the four of you, the Pepperdine Posse as my Dad likes to call you guys, you're a cop and you're a cop fighting terrorists. We get to have our lives because of your choice."

"Charley…"

"Marty, if you didn't accept the use of the guest house, Tim was flying down to L.A. and dragging you up to either the beach or up here. Tim intends you to be one of those people in Baby Brennan's life."

* * *

"How many hours have you spent on your surf board?" Bates asked as he walked out on the deck. "My God, how much does a place like this cost?"

"I'm just a friend of the family."

"You're better at finding friends than you are taking care of yourself," Bates told him, sitting down on one of the Adirondack chairs. The one that held Sidorov was sitting unloved in a corner. Deeks wanted to replace it, throw that chair in the truck and bring it to L.A. He planned one hell of a bonfire for it.

"I don't know what you mean," Deeks told Bates as he leaned against the rail across from his boss.

"You got friends that lend you this place, you have friends calling the Chief this morning to sing your praises. The Directors of the NCIS, FBI and CIA, the Secretary of Defense, the Attorney General and Ms. Lange all were on with the Chief. Svengali Smurfette scared him the most."

Deeks chuckled. "The Chief is a smart man and don't let her hear you say that."

"Oh, I don't say much to her. Neither do you, it seems. I figured you'd have told her. She was surprised about our last conversation."

"That LAPD thinks I'm too mentally weak to continue with my career. I was planning billboards by the Administration Building for that once I got back. Maybe one of those banners pulled by a plane over the Santa Monica Pier. It's a dream for every cop to be washed out as a head case and I did it before my 35th birthday."

"You may have caught the world's most wanted terrorist but I'm still your boss. Don't get cocky, kid," Bates chided.

"Sorry, Captain Solo."

Bates shook his head but was smiling. "She said that LAPD's loss would be NCIS's gain. She'd be thrilled to hire you tomorrow and both the CIA and FBI said they'd grab you if Hetty didn't."

"I don't want to leave my position."

"And based on this morning's calls, you're not going anywhere even if you wanted to retire."

Deeks smiled. "Good."

"You have all the time you need to recover, but you always did, and once you requalify, you'll be working back in whatever secret location they keep you."

"Good," Deeks looked down, not looking forward to the next question. "I have to ask. The leak of my location, is LAPD responsible for the tipping off Sidorov?"

"Yes and no. Mike Regan has been on vacation for the last two weeks. They found him last night in his garage swinging from a beam. He's probably been dead for days."

"Suicide?"

"Difficult to do when he was hogtied with electrical tape. Regan's ex-wife has a gambling problem. A big gambling problem. The early thoughts are someone with the Russian mob got in contact with her and she turned on him. She's missing."

"God," Deeks shook his head.

"Someone had to point out Regan to the Russian mob so we're checking financials and phone records of everyone who knows you were hurt."

"And?"

"Still checking." Bates was quiet for a minute. "NCIS sent me a copy of the raid this morning before I left for the airport. Agent Blye being here was a surprise."

"I wanted her to come and she felt bad about leaving me to try to capture Sidorov."

"So once again, splitting the two of you up causes a problem but having you two as a team works."

"Bad guy is in custody, nobody died doing it. It's a win for everyone."

"I can't tell that woman how to run her agency but I can sure as hell make it clear that I want you treated as she treats her agents."

"She really doesn't treat me any differently."

"Yet none of them were as badly injured as you were."

"This time."

"This time, the time you were shot. You broke bones in your hand not long after you were shot. At some point, Deeks, you need to protect yourself or I will. And I'm willing to bet that time half of the law enforcement establishment won't be siding with her."

September 9, 2013

Their greetings were oddly similar - "Hey man, great to see you." "Hey, you've been missed." "Hey, glad to see you're out and about." - as he walked through the gym. They seemed almost sincere. He walked quietly to his desk and sat down. A week shy of four months, he was back.

-30-

* * *

Thank you all for the kind feedback, your lovely notes and comments. I am thrilled and honored by them all.

I am so looking forward to tonight's episode and season five. I know some people are concerned about what's coming. I'm not. I survived nine seasons of "The X Files" – this is at least going in the right direction. Besides, there are good stories being told on the screen and good stories behind told online. It's all good.

Nothing in the pipeline for a while but hey, you never know. Never saw this story coming.

And for those who have asked, the "-30-" at the end of the stories is an editing tool. Marks where I'm ending chapters. I use to use "# # #" but my word processing program is looking to fill in Twitter hashtags when I do that.

Tess  
September 24, 2013.


End file.
